Let’s talk about how I am so awkward in most social situations. That’ll be fun for us all, right?
I’ve recounted my struggles with Midwestern chattiness. The people of this region have never met a stranger, let me tell you. Which makes them amazing neighbors and ensures there is never a dull moment in line at the bank or just wandering through Target. So let me say, to be 100% clear, the people of the great Midwest are not at fault here. The fault lies solely with me, the most awkward little tea pot. Here is my anxiety, here is my weird comment. When I get all flustered, then I make a weird noise halfway between words and the alarm sound of a Porg. Tip me over and ignore me until I figure it out.
This grocery trip, not one, not two, but three people were subjected to the awkward Teapot stylings of moi. So let me go ahead and apologize publicly to the Kroger Employee, my friend Amy*, and Susan*, a member of my church.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. They have suffered enough.
So I’m at the store, grocerying, and I hear, “Well, look who it is.” I continue my shopping, thinking surely this voice could not mean me, because I am just a little teapot trying to buy some blueberries. “Kristen B!” Oh no. That’s my name. I turn around around to find my friend Amy, who I haven’t seen in nigh on six months, since before the shut down. Amy and I are not close, but we’ve partaken in several events and ministries together and I genuinely enjoy her. So why am I standing there, wondering if I can hide behind the carton of blueberries I am holding?
I think because I am not great at multi-tasking. If I am shopping, I want to be shopping. If I am visiting, I want to be visiting. Visiting while shopping overloads my whole teapot interface. All I know to do is pour tea! Don’t ask me to grow the leaves, too!
Amy, a born and raised Midwesterner, does most of the heavy lifting in the conversation, for which I am grateful. I spend my time torn between wanting to continue the conversation (with my friend who I like!) and wanting to make an excuse about why I need to keep shopping (because I’m paranoid about the people trying to shop around us being annoyed with me for taking up aisle space but also suspicious that these other shoppers are not annoyed but will want to join the conversation because why not and then I am really done for.)
Amy tells me she has to run but let’s catch up soon and I don’t know if it has been two minutes or twenty. Feeling like I have run a marathon but also very proud of myself not saying anything weird, I continue my shopping. Everything goes swimmingly in the produce department and I just need to wrap up with lettuce before I get to the cheese.
I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this in previous tales of my enduring weirdness, but I’m pretty sure the Kroger employee who stocks the greens aisle hates me. Or least strongly dislikes me. No matter what time I enter this Kroger, no matter what order I do my shopping in, no matter how fast or slow I shop, when I get over to the greens, my guy is stocking those lettuces. Without fail. And then I have to like, scoot around him to get a lettuce, and I apologize 400 times and he never acknowledges me. Maybe he doesn’t hear me or see me and maybe I have turned into a ghost based on sheer willpower of not wanting to be seen in public? Who knows. It’s a mystery. And this has been going on for YEARS. Like, this pattern exited pre-rumpus.
So I’ve finally calmed down internally from my meet and greet with Amy when I make my way to the lettuces. The shortage seems to have calmed down, with plenty of green leaf and romaine options. But only one little tiny head of red leaf lettuce. I grab one head of green leaf, because needs must. And I’m trying to get a closer look at the little red leaf head: is it glistening with dew or are those leaves saggy and close to going bad? I can’t tell. I scoot in closer. The Kroger Employee says nothing. I pick up the lettuce. I look at it. I am not thrilled. It’s small and like, a day or two from being sketchy. I am about to put it back, but then I hear a deep, commanding voice. Like if Mufasa met Ron Swanson. “That’s the last one. If you want it. You better take it.”
He spoke to me! The Kroger Employee who I thought hated me made a purchasing recommendation! I don’t want this lettuce, but who cares, I bag it up, because I have a new best friend. So what do I say to cement this new found rapport? The coolest, most casual, laid back but sophisticated line my brain can muster, right? “Yeah, I eat a lot of lettuce.”
I EAT A LOT OF LETTUCE?!?!?!?!? What is wrong with me.
He doesn’t respond, because what do you say to a gem like that? But he goes back to doing his job and now I have this lettuce I don’t want.
Dispirited and distracted, I move quickly and quietly through the rest of my list. I’m grabbing my final items, baby food pouches, when Susan rolls down the aisle. Susan and I are friendly; we have mutual friends and have been a part of the same events at church but we don’t know each other very well. Still, in a rumpus world, I dare you to see someone you even vaguely recognize at the grocery store and not have a 45 minute conversation.
Unfortunately for Susan, by this time my nerves are really shot. I am on the brink. She tells me a story involving her kids different drop off times for school that I think is meant to be funny, but maybe it isn’t, is it supposed to be serious and I don’t know and why does anyone ever talk to me and why do I ever leave my house? I see Susan waiting for a response, waiting for me to contribute something And so I say the first thing that pops into my scattered little teapot brain: “Wow, small world, huh?”
Just to clarify. This was a story about two teenagers who go to schools in a school system they’ve grown up in. There were no coincidences or unexpected moments of connections. Just a woman, standing in front of an acquaintance, spouting off nonsense.
- Avocado (4)-$2. In-store sale, 2 for $1.
- Bananas, 2.39 lb-$1.41.
- Barbara’s Puffins Cereals-$.99. Buy Something, Save Something stacked with a *Digital Coupon* for $1 off brought this down from $2.99.
- Beechnut Baby Food Pouches (5)-$3.95.
- Blueberries, 18 oz (2)-$7.98.
- Boar’s Head Pepperoni, .5 lb-$5.22.
- Fuji Apples, ? lb-$2.50. This was strange. The receipt said: “5 @ 4/2.” I have never, before or since, seen apples priced that way. So I have no idea about my poundage.
- Green Leaf Lettuce, .75 lb-$.97.
- Heritage Farm Chicken Breasts, 14.08 lb-$28.03.
- Kraft Dressing, $.99. Buy X, Save Y!
- Kroger Blueberry Bagels-$1.49.
- Kroger Pasta (1)-$1.
- Mangoes (4)-$2. In-store sale, 2 for $1.
- Merry Estate Gouda-$2.38.
- Monterey Jack Cheese-$3.22.
- Nectarines, 2.72 lb-$2.69. In-store sale, $.99 a pound.
- Oikos Yogurt-$0. *Digital Coupon* for a freebie!
- Private Selection Bread-$1.99.
- Private Selection Honey Turkey, .75 lb-$7.67.
- Red Gold Canned Tomatoes (2)-$2.
- Red Leaf Lettuce .51 lb-$.66. In-store sale, $1.29 a pound.
- Roma Tomato, 1.32 lb-$1.31.
- Starbucks Whole Bean Coffee-$5.49. The final puzzle piece of buying some things to save some dollars.
- Sweet Baby Ray’s Wing Sauce (2)-$1.98. Part of Buy X, Saving Something!
- Vidal Onions, 2.29 lb-$2.73.
- White Peaches, 2.04 lb-$2.02. In-store sale, $.99 a pound.
- Apps I’ll submit to: Fetch Rewards, CoinOut
Total Budget: $100.92
Total Spent: $92.67
Rolled Over to Next Week: $8.25.
I would now like you to share with me the most awkward encounter you’ve had with a store employee, a friend, or an associate. Bonus points if they’re all on the same day!
Kristen B. is wife to the best Prince around, mama to the spunkiest little princesses, and lover of all things Disney. She started her savings journey five years ago and is now dedicated to making her family’s wishes come true one coupon at a time. She is so excited to take her love of saving to the next level and share her journey with you! Click here to catch up on Kristen’s Savings and join in on your own savings adventure!