Today we’ll be discussing bananas.
Webster’s Dictionary defines “banana” as an elongated, usually tapering, tropical fruit with soft pulpy flesh enclosed in a soft, usually yellow, rind.
KB’s Compendium for Foodstuffs and Other Household Items defines bananas thusly: a fruit with the power of the sun, and the ability to alternate between delicious taste and a mouthful of soft cardboard, seemingly at will.
There have been a ton of banana related memes traversing the internet, and I have to say, they make me feel seen. Particularly this one.
I buy bananas every single week and I can categorically confirm this theory to be true. I believe it has to do with the ripeness of the bananas in question. If we turn to page 54 of KB’s Compendium for Foodstuffs and Other Household Items, we’ll see an apt description of the stages of a banana’s ripeness.
Stage One, Completely Green. Put that down. It is no good for eating.
Stage Two, A Light, Limeish Green. This will be good soon. But it is not good now. You must wait just a little longer. Best to stand next to the fruit bowl until it turns. You know what they say. A watched banana is a delicious banana. It carries with it the joy of a fulfilled food experience.
Stage Three, Newly Yellow, Like the Dawn of a Brand New Day. This is the optimum ripeness for a banana. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. To themselves and to you.
Stage Four, A Bright Yellow, with Slightly Green Tips and Tops. While not the most delicious level of ripeness, this will do. It will not deliver the complete satisfaction of a food dream made reality, but it’s close.
Stage Five, Minion Yellow. You can eat this, I guess.
Stage Six, The Beginnings of Brown Spots. Once your banana begins to resemble a cheetah, it’s time to face the facts. The only acceptable use for this banana is of a bread or muffin variety.
Stage Seven, Brown. You’ve let it get too far. Abandon all hope, ye who enter this kitchen.
Now, you might think, “this is child’s play! Simply eat the banana at the desired ripeness! There is no need for a blog post about this!”
There is EVERY need.
Because bananas don’t progress on the ripeness scale like other fruits and vegetables. Oh no, the banana is too wily for that. After careful observation of the last batch of bananas at my house, the progression is is this: Stage One, Stage Two, Stage Five, Stage Six, Stage Seven. Oh, did you miss Stages Three and Four while you were putting on an episode of Bubble Guppies for your toddler? Too bad! Now all you get is mush!
And on the rare occasion that I am around when bananas reach that Stage Three/Four peak of glory, all of a sudden there are three sets of eyes staring up at me, three pairs of hands outstretched, “Hey, can I have a banana?” “Mama, do we have any bananas?” “Banana pleesh?” What am I going to say, “No, children, you can’t have the bananas because they’re at peak ripeness and I need to hoard them for myself”? There is no way I am eating five bananas in one day. And you would think, “Okay, great, give each child a banana and then you have two left over.” Cleary you have never met my children. They each need exactly 1.65 bananas to be satisfied.
As if that wasn’t enough to be getting on with, now there is a new banana problem. Do bananas make other produce ripen more quickly? For the past few weeks, my tomatoes and avocados have been ripening at an alarmingly fast rate, meanwhile, the bananas seem unbothered. Just yesterday, I pulled two tomatoes out of the fruit bowl that had gone all wonky and the avocados were holding up a sign that said, “Go on without us.” Meanwhile, the bananas were pristine. This is what I mean about the bananas harvesting the power of the sun. Is this real or is it fantasy? My produce is caught in the landslide. No escape from bananas.
- Bananas, 1.49 lb-$.62.
- Beech Nut Baby Food Pouches (3)-$3.
- Ben & Jerry’s, pint (2)-$5.98. down to $2.99 each with the Mega Savings Event.
- Bell Peppers (4)-$6.
- Boar’s Head Pepperoni, .75 lb-$7.21.
- Clementines, 3 lb-$2.97.
- Clorox Disinfectant Wipes (2)-$5.98.
- Fuji Apples, 4 lb-$4.76.
- Green Leaf Lettuce, 1.62 lb-$2.74.
- Heritage Farm Chicken Breasts, 10.05 lb -$20.
- Kraft Dressing-$2.19.
- Kroger Sausage, 2lb-$7.
- Kroger Tortilla Chips-$1.25.
- Mangoes, 2-$2.50.
- Monterey Jack Cheese-$3.43.
- Peaches, 3.96 lb-$3.84.
- Private Selection Bread (2)-$1.98. *Digital Coupon* for $1 odd each loaf.
- Private Selection Honey Turkey, .75 lb-$5.09. *Digital Coupon* for $.75 off Deli Meat.
- Private Selection Ice Cream, .5 gal-$2.49. *Digital Coupon* for $2 off.
- Private Selection Red Raspberry Jam-$2.29. Mega Savings Event!
- Red Leaf Lettuce, 1.12 lb-$1.89.
- Roma Tomato, 1.22 lb-$1.21.
- Silk Almond Milk, .5 gal (2)-$3.80. $2.50 as part of the Mega Savings Event, stacked with a *Digital Coupon* for $1.20 off two.
- Simple Truth Baby Food Packets, 6 pack-$3.99. Mega savings event made this 6 pack a great deal, with each packet costing $.66.
- Starbucks Coffee-$5.99. Mega Saving Event.
- Strawberries, 2 lb-$3.99.
- Vidal Onions, 1.49 lb-$1.77.
- Apps I’ll submit to: Fetch Rewards, CoinOut
Total Budget: $65.68
Total Spent: $110.64
Total Saved: $26.14
Deducted from Next Week’s Budget: $44.96.
But seriously, tell me what you know about bananas and their magical ripening powers. How many bananas do yo buy at a time? What’s your favorite banana meme? Share them below in the comments!
Kristen B. is wife to the best Prince around, mama to the spunkiest little princesses, and lover of all things Disney. She started her savings journey five years ago and is now dedicated to making her family’s wishes come true one coupon at a time. She is so excited to take her love of saving to the next level and share her journey with you! Click here to catch up on Kristen’s Savings and join in on your own savings adventure!