My husband and I felt our family was complete with 2 children. We were blessed to have both a girl and a boy. We had everything we had ever asked for. But our world changed forever in July 2010.
I had a gut feeling that I was pregnant. My husband and I were not as careful as we should have been in June and I could just tell that something was going on. So on the night of July 7th, I went to the Dollar Tree and I bought 3 tests. I didn’t tell my husband what I was up to and I snuck into the bathroom with the tests in my purse to take them. Almost immediately 2 lines showed up. I totally freaked out. I was not expecting to be pregnant. I thought for sure my gut just had to be wrong.
I didn’t know what to think. A pregnancy meant a minimum of $5,000 in medical expenses plus whatever expenses the baby incurs when it was born. But I knew that I could not spend time stressing about it. The pregnancy existed and we were just going to have to deal with whatever it might bring.
I told my husband immediately. He was more excited then I was. He held me as I cried because I was so overwhelmed by what was going on. He assured me that we would make everything work. That the bills would get paid, the baby items would get bought, and that we would easily make room in our family for our new child.
I called the doctor the next day. Pre-natal care is so important to me and I wanted the pregnancy to feel real. I told my mom. She seemed genuinely happy. My mother in law felt that her prayers had been answered. For over a year she had prayed that God show her the path for her life and she felt that her path was to help us raise our growing family. She felt needed. I thanked her for basically praying for me to get pregnant. I smiled.
The first pre-natal appointment was at 5 weeks. Everything looked great and they set my due date at March 16th. The day after Jacob’s 4th’s birthday. I was upset that the baby might be born on his birthday and joked that I would keep my legs crossed that day. The pregnancy still didn’t feel real.
Between that visit and the next, morning sickness set in. I began to feel more connected to my pregnancy but I still complained about the nausea and tiredness. I went to bed early and woke up feeling so nauseated that I didn’t want to get out of bed. Saltines crackers helped just a bit.
We decided to tell people and our kids. I already had 2 healthy pregnancies. Miscarriage was not a concern for us. We were finally excited to be parents again and couldn’t wait to share that joy with the world. The kids were super excited. We told them that there was a baby growing in my belly. My son constantly asked to feel the baby and he would talk to my stomach and tell the baby that he loved it. My daughter begged for a sister that could sleep in her room. She was really thrilled at the thought of a baby being in the house.
The next pre-natal visit came. I asked for an ultrasound since I had a tilted uterus and there was no way they would be able to get the heart beat. I was 9 weeks. We were thrilled to see the baby. The heart rate was high and strong. The ultrasound technician commented that the baby looked great. The baby waved at us. We felt secure. I was unaware at the time that the baby actually measured a week ahead of schedule which was not at all consistent with my dates.
We started to get prepared for the baby. I bought a pack and play, carseat and started stockpiling diapers. We started making plans where the baby would sleep, we bought a new van, we started discussing baby names.
On August 27th my daughter got sick. We thought it was a stomach bug. It lasted for 4 days and then she started to complain it hurt her to tee-tee. I took her to the doctor twice for a UTI. They put her on antibiotics and she didn’t get better. Finally on September 5th we took her to Children’s Hospital. It turned out that her appendix had ruptured 10 days before and had formed a softball sized abscess in her abdomen. She was lucky to be alive.
They admitted her and drained the abscess. She stayed in Children’s for 8 nights and I never left her side. I was so worried about her that I couldn’t be away from her. I slept on that awful hospital chair bed every night. I watched her like a hawk. When she was released, she had a PICC line and I had to give her IV antibiotics 3 times a day for 10 days. I was so tired and I didn’t feel like I took as good a care of myself as I could have. I put her first, as any parent would.
At my next pre-natal appointment, I told the doctor that I was concerned about the baby after the ordeal with Emily. He laughed and said “What could you of possibly done to the baby?” He got the heart rate on the doppler and commented “Wow, that’s really fast.” (It was 180.) He told me to come back in 3 weeks for the big ultrasound. I would be 18 weeks.
When I got home that day I was finally able to find the baby’s heart beat on my at home doppler. I felt so connected to the baby. I was beaming. I was so excited to be a mother for the 3rd time. I remember telling my friends how weird it was to be at the stage when morning sickness had passed and I still couldn’t feel the baby move. I continued to use the doppler every couple of days. Finding the heart beat was such a joy.
A few days before the ultrasound I finally felt the baby kick for the first time. I cried tears of joy. I was so happy.
Then Monday, October 11th, came. My mother in law, husband and son came with us to the ultrasound. We were so excited to find out what the baby was. We had to wait an hour that day. Looking back it was the last hour I had before my life changed forever. The technician started the ultrasound and moved the wand quickly over my belly. She asked me if I was sure about my dates. The baby was only measuring 15 weeks, 1 day. I was suppose to be almost 18 weeks.
I waited by myself to see the doctor. I spent 10-15 minutes completely freaking out. What could that mean? How could this be happening? We were suppose to find out the sex, not find out something had been wrong with the baby. I had forgotten to pray for a healthy child.
The doctor came in and said she was seriously concerned. That the growth should not be behind. She said I might have an infection and ordered some blood tests. She said there could be something wrong with the baby or it could be human error. She said she would send me to UAB for a level 2 ultrasound. That would give us the answers. She did say the baby, heartbeat (it was 165) and placenta looked good. I held onto hope.
That was Monday. They called and said my ultrasound was set for Friday. I spent those 4 days worrying and freaking out. I researched all I could. I would pick up the baby’s heartbeat on the doppler and feel reassured that it must be human error. That they were wrong. When I picked up the baby’s heart beat Tuesday night it was 188 according to the doppler. That was fast. Obviously too fast. That was the last time I was able to find the heartbeat.
Wednesday I quit feeling pregnant.
Thursday my doctor called to see how I was holding up. It was weird having her call me personally. I should have known that something serious was going on. I spent the day on my knees praying. I asked God to take the worry away. I knew it was wrong to worry. I prayed that God would take the worry away and let His will be done. I prayed for my baby. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.
Friday came. My mother in law and husband came for the ultrasound. I sat in the waiting room and I prayed. I prayed for every mother in there. I hugged my stomach. I felt for sure everything was going to be okay. And I hoped we would find out the sex of the baby.
The ultrasound room was big. I thought it was neat that they had a large tv where you could watch the ultrasound. At my previous ultrasounds I always had to wait for them to turn the screen towards me. I always hated that my husband could see everything and I couldn’t.
I watched as she moved the wand around on my belly. I waited for the baby to move. It didn’t. I waited. I waited. And then I found the courage and I asked. She said “the baby’s not moving right now.” I knew in my gut. I just knew that the baby was not ‘sleeping’.
She went and got the doctor. The doctor looked at a couple things and then she said the worst words I had ever heard in my life. “Mrs. Cooper, I am so sorry but your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.” My husband and mother in law started to cry. I just looked at her like she couldn’t possibly be talking to me. I wasn’t Mrs. Cooper, was I?
They took us into a small room and told us that they were going to call my doctor’s office. I got out my phone and I called my mother. “I lost the baby Mom” is all I remember saying. I lost it after that. I started to cry and it was awful. She said she was coming to town. (She lives an hour away.)
I texted all my friends who were waiting to hear what the baby was. I hated having to tell people. But it was wonderful having their prayers and support. We left and drove to my doctor’s office. I drove because my mother in law didn’t know the way and I didn’t feel like telling her. My husband had to put on a brave face and head to the school to pick up our daughter. She was getting out early and since she was a cheerleader she got to ride in the homecoming parade. I didn’t want her to miss it. She was so excited.
My mother in law stayed with me and held my hand in the doctor’s office. I took the moment to update the blog so all my wonderful readers would know what was going on. The doctor came in and said she was sincerely sorry for my loss. She said I would have to deliver the baby. And she said I would have to wait until Sunday night. That I needed to be emotionally prepared for it. That mothers that waited did better than mothers that rushed to delivery. I didn’t want to wait. She didn’t give me a choice.
We left and I drove us home. Mother in law kept telling people that my baby was dead. That was hard. I wanted her to put the phone down. She has a big family. Each time she told someone it was like a knife through my heart.
We had to pretend like everything was fine to the kids. We didn’t want to ruin Emily’s big day. We went to lunch at Chickfila, watched her in the parade and then took the kids to the fair in town that night. I was numb. I couldn’t believe that my baby was dead and I still had to deliver the baby. I tried not to think about it.
I started hurting that night. I hurt and hurt and it didn’t stop. I called the doctor’s office and they told me to come to the hospital in the middle of the night. I had to go to the OB floor and walk past all the bows. They monitored me for an hour and gave me Lortab and Ambien and sent me home. That was cruel. I had hoped they would keep me. I wanted it over. The doctor made me feel stupid. (I see a group of 6 OBs and unfortunately I did not see my regular doctor through this.)
I went home and cried myself to sleep. That was an awful night. We took the kids to see Toy Story 3 at the dollar theater on Saturday and then it was time for Emily’s homecoming game. It was so hard facing everyone and telling them that I didn’t know what my baby was. That my baby was gone and I still had to deliver the baby. They were all very compassionate and kind. It didn’t help.
Sunday was the day I had dreaded the most. We were waiting to tell Emily until after I had the baby. But she knew something was wrong even though I had tried so hard to hide it. She climbed up in my bed that morning and asked me “Momma where is our baby?” I tried to change the subject. She asked me again. I told her that sometimes babies stop growing in mommy’s tummies and God takes them to Heaven to be angels. She cried. I cried. Then she said “Our baby must of stopped growing during Toy Story 3 because it was really scary.” I assured her that was not the case. She giggled and ran off and didn’t bring it up again. My husband held me while I cried.
I spent the morning alone. Everyone else went to church. I made a playlist of songs about miscarriage and loss. Then I took a shower and had a screaming fit at God. It was my baby and I was mad that He took it from me. It didn’t do me any good. I apologized for yelling at Him and prayed that He wrap His arms around me during this time. I was so scared. So, so, so scared.
My mother in law took the kids home with her so they could do Halloween crafts. She made the day as fun for them as she could. My husband took me on a ‘date’. We went out to lunch. I couldn’t taste the food. We went to Walmart and bought a picture frame and name plate. We picked the yellow Pooh set since we still didn’t know what the baby was. Then we went to a movie to pass the time. But the day went too fast. I wasn’t ready to face the reality of what I was about to have to do. I didn’t want to go to the Hospital. I cried all the way there.
I was in a different world as we entered the OB floor. I saw the blue bows on all the doors (never did see a pink). The nurses all looked at me like they were really sorry for me. I felt sorry for the nurse that was going to get stuck with the woman with the dead baby. This cute, young nurse took us to our room to get settled in. They had me as far away from the other rooms as they could. They pointed out that there was a family room right next to the birthing suite for my family to use.
The nurse was very sweet but it was obvious that she hadn’t done this much. She informed me that Barbie was going to be my night nurse and that she had specially requested me. That made me feel important. That this nurse would actually want to choose to be with me during the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. It wasn’t long after when Barbie came bouncing into the room. She was a true joy during this time.
Barbie informed me that she had had 5 miscarriages herself and that she knows exactly how I feel. She answered all my questions and talked with me about how the induction would work. I told her about Couponing to Disney and she told me she had worked at Disney World 22 years ago. She told me some stories about Disney and I appreciated being able to remove myself mentally from my current surroundings.
I asked for a them to give me a local anesthetic before they started the IV. I do not have good veins and I wanted to hurt as little physically as I could. They were happy to comply. Every 4 hours that night I was given a dose of Cytotec to soften my cervix and bring on labor. They also gave me some good IV pain medicines. I was able to sleep a little bit. I slept and I prayed and I cried.
Around 12:30 that night I got up and went for a walk. All the nurses at the nurses desk were looking at Couponing to Disney. That made me feel special. I tried to talk with them more about it and Disney but I kept tripping over my words. It was kind of funny actually. The nurses were all so kind to me. They actually made me feel important. It was good to feel like that during this difficult time.
I was able to sleep some more but the contractions were starting to hurt more. I was so scared of the pain that might come. I asked for the epidural. I hate getting an epidural but I hated the idea of pain more. It was so hard to sit on the side of the bed while the man dug around in my back to start the epidural. Then he covered my back in the tape from hell. I kid you not.
20 minutes later the epidural was not working. He came back and boosted it. It did not work. Well it worked in an 8 inch square on my right leg. If they had been cutting into that area of my leg, it would have been pain free. Darn thing. At some point in this process my mother arrived. All I can remember is telling the nurse I did not want to do the epidural again and to get it out of my back. I remember looking at my mother’s face and screaming as they pulled the tape off my back. That was the absolute worst pain of the whole ordeal. The tape from hell.
I elected to do IV pain medicines. God granted me sleep. I slept and then I woke up to the worst pain I had ever felt. The contractions were so strong and hard. My mother called the nurse (I had a new nurse by this point. Her name was Dani and she was so sweet). She came in and checked me and then my water broke on it’s on. I cried. I knew it was real. My baby was getting ready to leave me.
I fell back to sleep. I woke up and my dad was there. I said “I know you!” and then I went back to sleep. I woke up again and our pastor and his wife were there. I told her she was so beautiful and then I fell back to sleep. It was wonderful, peaceful sleep.
The nurse woke me up and said it was time to have the baby. I couldn’t believe that the moment I feared the most was finally here. What was my baby going to look like? Was it going to be a boy or a girl? How was I going to survive this?
One push and the baby entered this world sleeping. The nurse started telling me how beautiful the baby was. That my baby was absolutely perfect, just small. She couldn’t tell us for sure what the baby was (she guessed girl). The genitals weren’t full formed. I remember her placing the baby up on my stomach. My sweet, beautiful, sleeping baby. I was a proud mommy in that moment. I was just as proud of my baby as I was of my two children at home.
She took the baby from me and placed the baby in the warmer and called the doctor. It was only a few moments before he arrived. He looked at our precious baby and told us we had a little boy. My sweet little Andrew. He said the baby looked perfect. There was nothing physically wrong with him. He suggested a partial autopsy. We agreed.
The doctor delivered the placenta and thankfully it came out easily and I didn’t have to have a D&C as well. They sent the placenta off for testing. Overall the birth was uneventful (except for the epidural not working). The doctor offered his condolences and he and the nurse left us alone with our sleeping baby.
We looked at his peaceful, sleeping face. I held his little hands and touched his little feet. He was so beautiful. I held him and rocked him and told him how much I loved him and treasured the brief 19 weeks that he was part of my life. I told him how much I wanted him and how I would never forget him. I kissed him. He had my heart.
I decided that he needed a middle name that meant Gift from God. Because he was our gift. I did a brief search online and found Johnathan. It was perfect. My Andrew Johnathan. My strong gift from God.
The nurse came in and measured and weighed him and dressed him up for his pictures. Pictures that I hold so dear and close to my heart. They honored him and treated him just like a full term healthy baby. They took his little feet and hand prints. They were so small. So small and so perfect.
We asked for the pastor on staff to come up and pray over our baby before we said our final goodbyes. I hated to say goodbye but I knew Andrew deserved to rest. My husband held him and told him how much he loved him. My mother held him for a long time. I remember watching her sway back and forth with him. It was beautiful. My little brother arrived to see Andrew. My little brother cried. I cried. We all cried. We cried and told Andrew how much we loved him.
And then the nurse took him away and it was over. I was left with a broken heart and a box of mementos. The hospital staff had but together a memory box for us. It had a sweet little hat, bootie, gown and blanket someone had handmade and donated. They also gave me the gown and blanket he had used. It was soiled but I didn’t care. I wanted it. The box also had his measuring tape, hospital birth card with his little footprints on it, and a few other things. Most importantly it had “Little Lamb”. A sweet lamb that was used in his pictures. The lamb that has brought me the greatest comfort through all of this.
I sent my husband and my mother to get me dinner from my favorite Italian restaurant. I curled up into a ball with my little lamb, prayed to God and asked him to surround me with His love and I slept for a little while. I woke up to my husband kissing me goodbye. I sent him home because he needed to work the next day. The CEO of his company was coming on Wednesday and it was a once in a career visit. I didn’t want him to miss it.
My mother stayed with me that night. I called a few people and I have no memory of who I called or what I said. They gave me some good drugs and I slept all night.
The next morning my actual doctor came in to see me. I see a group of six doctors and I had not seen her in about 2 months. I love her so much. I wish she had been with me through it all. She just has the personality that makes you feel better as soon as she enters the room. She was so compassionate and caring. She reassured me that it was nothing that I did wrong. That my little Andrew was a fighter. That he felt no pain and he was now in the presence of our Lord. He was the lucky one. She gave me some Xanax to help me through the coming weeks.
My mother took me home. We stopped and got a white bow for the mailbox. My daughter had been so fascinated by blue and pink bows that I knew it would help her if Andrew had his own special bow. When we picked her up at school later that day she patted my tummy and said it was so big for our baby. That was hard. Then she started chattering about a few of the pregnant teachers in the school and how excited she was to find out what her teacher’s baby was the next day. I held my little lamb tighter and listened.
When we got home she saw the bow and was so fascinated by it. I think she looked at it 50 times that day. She started asking me a lot of questions. I wanted to wait until her daddy got home that night but she was asking so many hard questions. Finally I told her that I had gone to the hospital to have the baby. I told her that it was a boy baby. She started to cry. She wanted a little girl.
Once she got it under control, I told her that his name was Andrew Johnathan. Baby Andrew. She looked through his memory box 5 times. She was so fascinated. She was so proud of her little angel brother. Her smile healed my heart just a little bit.
My best friend of 20 years came to sit with me so my mother could leave. No one wanted me to be alone. It was wonderful to see her. Emily was so excited to tell her all about her angel brother. Emily tells everyone about him. She is a very proud sister.
My husband came home early from work. He helped get Emily to bed and I made a few phone calls. I made one phone call I wish I hadn’t made. It broke the string that I had tied around myself to keep myself together. I lost it and I lost it bad. I cried and cried and my husband just held me as tight as he could. It lasted for 3 hours. It was awful. It was needed, I suppose. But it was awful. I felt so bad that he had to put his grief aside to help me through mine. He is such a strong, strong man.
Wednesday he took me to my mother in laws and I spent the day in her bed. I slept and made a few phone calls. I read some wonderful emails and comments from my readers. She took me home and picked Emily up from extended day at school. She told me she had the best day and the mostest fun with her best friends. She said she told all her friends about her angel brother.
My mother in law carried the kids to church that night and then sat with me until my husband got home from work. He came home early so he could pick them up from church. I was so relieved that he was off the next 3 days. I was so happy to have him with me. My heart hurt so bad.
That night my milk came in. What a crappy thing to happen after everything I had been through. I was expecting it though. It’s just another thing to deal with. Another reminder of everything I had been through. I breastfed both my other children so this was a new experience for me. It’s awful.
Night time is the worst time for me. I just curl up into a ball with little lamb and cry until I can’t cry anymore.
I can make it through the day without crying too much. I have so many incredible, amazing, supportive people in my life and that helps. We have a great church family who is really taking good care of us. I am so thankful for them and for my faith in God. I don’t know how I would get through this without God. I honestly don’t.
We decided to have Andrew cremated. It just made the most sense. He was so little but he is my son. I want to honor his life even though he never drew a breath on this earth. We are having a memorial service at our church for him. Then we are burying him in my father in law’s plot in Georgia.
“There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.”
Rainbows are my sign from Andrew that he is still with me. Every time I have been broken, God has sent me a rainbow. The first rainbow was sent to us on the first day of our trip to Disney World in January 2011 which we took to celebrate Andrew’s impact on our lives. I put a circle around the area of the clouds. Do you see what I see? When one of my amazing readers pointed out the baby in the clouds, I fell to my knees in Hollywood Studios. A definite sign from my Heavenly Father where my baby is and that he is okay.
The thing that I have found since experiencing this loss is how many mothers share the same story. How many wonderful families have loved and lost their precious babies. My heart goes out to everyone who knows this pain. I am here if you ever want to talk.
I am the mother of 4 kids. 3 on earth and one in heaven. I don’t understand why Andrew went to heaven, but I am so grateful for the brief 19 weeks I had with him. He will always be a part of me. He has helped mold me into a better mother.
Sorry for your loss .My son was killed by his dad when he was 3 months old by shaking him the first few years were hard for me. Now I have 4 girls. My girls and my dh is my world .I think somehow I appreciate life better than I use to.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My eyes are filled with tears and they are spilling down my face. I am a labor and delivery nurse, I am the one that volunteers to take care of you during this horrific time. I just want to love on you and hopefully help it suck just a little less.
Leaning on God gets you thru these times and it sounds like you have such a wonderful supporting family.
So much love to you all.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Our second child was miscarried @ only 10 weeks, and then we became pregnant with our third just 4 months later. That pregnancy was hard- I was afraid everyday.
Reading your beautiful words, and how you have honored your child’s life- I can’t describe how thankful I am to hear your story. I didn’t realize that I hadn’t truly grieved. Thank you for your courage in sharing Andrew’s story!
Thank you for sharing your story. I cried as i read of your loss. I have followed your blog and appreciate all the wonderful disney tips! I’ve been reading your blog again recently preparing for an upcoming trip and stumbled across the story of Andrew. Again, so sorry that your family had to endure this loss. God knows all things and his plans are perfect but life in this imperfect world is sometimes incredibly painful. Praying that He continues to bring comfort and healing to you all. Also, so happy to hear of your new little one!
thinking of you and your sweet son Andrew. How loved he will always be!
I have been following your blog for over a year now. I remember reading this about 6 months ago shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I was so touched by your story and I thought of you from time to time. I never dreamed I would join your pain . . .
On June 8, 2013, our little boy, Elliot (our first child), was born sleeping at 28 weeks. I had not felt movement in a while and went in to get checked, and they told me the horrible news that his heartbeat was gone. I had had a picture perfect pregnancy until then, but severe, early onset preeclampsia had struck at some point since my last check up with little to no symptoms. My blood pressure was through the roof and they admitted me and induced almost right away (the only cure for preeclampsia). He was breach so it wasn’t the easiest delivery.
He was 2 lbs, 11 oz, 16.25 inches long. And beautiful and perfect. We got to hold him. But they sent us home with a memory box instead of a child. Being wheeled out of the labor & delivery wing with just a box and a blanket on my lap instead of a child was an incredibly hard, surreal experience. Mornings are the hardest because I am no longer pregnant, so when I wake up, once I realize that, part of me expects to hear a baby crying. But the house is just empty and quiet.
Sorry for the rambling. But I just wanted to say that I thought of you and Andrew during this, and to thank you for sharing your story. Somehow having read this helped me through the past two weeks. So, thank you.
“Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” – Winnie the Pooh
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, heartbreaking story with us. I cried and cried reading this. I miscarried my first child a little over seven years ago and can understand your pain just a little bit. Have you read Heaven Is For Real about the little boy who had a near-death experience and saw heaven? He told his mother after being revived that he’d met his little sister, who had been miscarried. When I miscarried I wasn’t yet a Christian so when I read this part in the book it was truly a revelation to understand my first baby IS in Heaven with Jesus. I love that.
Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking experience with us.
Andrews Song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dvrcEiALnU
Kristen,
I continue to pray for you and your familiy. I came across this song the other day and couldn’t help but think of you. It is by Mandisa. On her “Freedom” album, the last song is called “You Wouldn’t Cry (Andrew’s Song)”. I hope someday you get a chance to listen to it and it will help you heal, but not forget.
In my Prayers,
Christy
That is one of the most beautiful love stories I have ever read. Thank you for sharing. God Bless you.
I read this, and just wept. What a thing to ask a mother to go through. It just is not fair, not right, not what we were meant to do. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, and that was difficult enough. With every passing week, the bond just grows stronger, and I can’t imagine how painful it would be to lose a newly born infant. I will be praying for you during this difficult week, and pray for peace in the knowledge of his eternal perfection, and the love that you will always have for him. God bless.
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!
I know that God will be with you this week. I will also pray for that you have peace in your soul. You have great courage Kristen. May God bless you and your family.
thank you for sharing your experience. I can’t imagine what you have been through but I truly believe in the power of sharing your story. It does help ease the pain and you never know if you are helping another young woman who may be going through the same.
When I go through things that are beyond my control, I always like to imagine myself curled up in God’s hand. It’s a safe place to be. Much love and prayers
You do not walk this Earth alone. You are among friends and family who care and love you. God Bless you and your family
so sorry for your loss, i share a loss in oct as well. mine came on the first day of my 2nd trimester. will be thinking of you and praying for you. somethging i did to get me through was paint a piece of pottery every year.
Thankyou for sharing your story with all of us. I wept as I read, praying that God will continue to give the peace only He can give. I will pray for u & your family this week.
I have never left a reply before but I just wanted you to know that I will be thinking of you in this difficult time. I share the loss that only a mother can share. We had a daughter born sleeping as well. My precious Amber was born asleep on her due date. It truly is an honor to be a mom of an Angel. Just remember that you have a deposit in heaven.
I am very sorry for your loss…I am sure he is in heaven…keep a memory and pray for him, you are a GREAT Mom! God bless you and your Family.
I recently found your site and found this post and wanted say that I am so sorry for your loss and to tell you that it gets easier. Allow yourself the time to mourn and it will get easier.
On October 15, 2006 I lost my first pregnancy at 7 weeks. On October 10, 2007 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. On October 9, 2009 I had an ultrasound that showed that my baby no longer had a heartbeat – I was at 17 weeks. I opted for a D&E and unfortunately had a bad experience with a not so compassionate nurse and I think it made the whole experience worse for me.
October is very bittersweet for me.
My last baby would have been born around this time as well. It took me nearly a year to really feel like I was in the “new” normal. But I wanted to let you know that you can make it through. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and admit when it’s a difficult day.
I just read this after seeing your post today. I wanted to say, as I’m sure you’ve heard a thousand times, I’m so sorry. But I also wanted to say, despite your warning, I looked at his picture, and it’s the face of a perfect, beautiful angel. May God hold your heart today. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am so sorry for your loss. I just recently found you through Twitter and started looking around on the blog.
Thank you so much for sharing Andrew’s story. I found so many similarities in your story and my own. I had 3 healthy, happy pregnancies. Then I lost my son Felix suddenly at 24 weeks in April 2008. My OB wasn’t able to be with me either and the other OB was less than thrilled to have to be there. My nurses, like nurse Barbie, were my saving grace. My next son Gabriel had a birth defect and was born on October 19th, 2009 and lived for 32 precious minutes. I am continually amazed at how God brings me to people who have suffered losses like mine.
I pray that each day you grow stronger and continue to be bold in sharing Andrew with the world.
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our son when he was 10 weeks old to SIDS, his name was Matthew which also means “gift of God” and our heart hurts to know that our two children on Earth are separated from our child in Heaven. Sending you lots of good thoughts and prayers.
Kristen, I have heard of your web site and came to it today for couponing stuff and stumbled on the loss of your precious baby Andrew.
You (and your husband) are just amazing. I could feel your story while reading it. I cannot imagine what you have been through. I hope you have a wonderful trip next week.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m studying to become a nurse and I can only hope that I can be someone’s “nurse Barbie” offering them half the comfort she did whether they have a broken arm or a broken heart.
– Much love and prayers from the Northeast.
Kristen,
I just joined your FB page, clicked through to your website and read this story. How true the day your life changed forever! Today is the day we buried our first son, second child Nicholas. We found out at a regular check up that there was no heart beat (a Friday) and I delivered him on Monday Dec. 19th five years ago. I have been an emotional wreck this week! Today’s date was his graveside service (Dec. 22nd).
Thank you for sharing your story! As hard as it is it is comforting to “meet” other families that have lost a child during pregnancy. God Bless you and your family!
Mia
I am so sorry for you loss. I am in tears reading about Andrew’s life. Bless you and your family in this difficult time. *hug*
I am in tears now. I haven’t personally experienced this kind of loss,but all I can say is my heart aches for you and your family. I pray that God’s grace and peace will ease your pain in time.
Baby Andrew is so beatuiful! What an amazing spirit and strength you have for your family. I too just send one of my little one’s to heaven this past June and I am sure they are up there playing together and will be waiting for us someday. Thank you for sharing your story and God bless!
I am so sorry for the loss of baby Andrew. I have 2 little girls here on earth and a baby watching over them in heaven. I lost my baby almost 5 years ago, and it still hurts. I’m so glad you have such a supportive husband, family, and friends to help you through this difficult time. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers Kristin and family.
I just read your story about Andrew. I am crying so hard right now. I wish I could take the pain away. I will pray for you and your family.
I am praying for you and your family. Reading your story about Andrew brought back many memories of my Angel Addison. I feel your pain and truly know what you are going through. The pain you are experiencing is a pain like no other and words can’t describe!!! My Angel went to heaven 10 years ago. Every year for Christmas my husband and I go to one of the stores that have the trees with angels on them that you can buy a gift for and we donate in her memory. It is such an amazing feeling. May god wrap his arms around you during this hard time.
Kristin,
It touched me how open and vulnerable you were with us. Thank you. My heart breaks for you. Here is a virtual hug (()).
Thank you for sharing the picture of Andrew. He looks absolutely beautiful! I am sure he enjoyed every second with you, hearing you sing in church, your excitement at Disney World, etc. He was very blessed to be with you all 18 weeks of his life.
try this again…sorry.
Kristin and Family,
My heart aches for the sorrow you must feel losing your lifetime on Earth with your precious Andrew. I pray you continue to be surrounded with love and prayers of those who care for you. Your story of his brief life with you here is beautiful. Thank you for sharing such tender moments of your life.
Hugs and Healing, Love and Light,
Jill D.
Kristin and Family,
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your precious Andrew will forever hold a special place in my heart with other Angel Babies that I have known. I would suggest making a small scrapbook for him, if you did that with your other two children. It was very therapeutic for a close friend of mine. Know that you’ll all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Your story has brought me to tears…my heart goes out to you and your family. I can’t even imagine the pain, and I will be praying for healing for you all during this difficult time. I saw that you listen to inspirational songs for comfort, and I want to recommend one that has been of great comfort to me this year as I have been dealing with the death of my beloved grandmother. Listen to Wrap Me in Your Arms by Freddy Rodriguez. God bless you.
Kristin, my heart aches for you and your family. Thank you for having the courage to share this with your readers. Your angel Andrew is the most beautiful baby.
Through tears, I am asking that God bless you and your family. Hold tight to your memories and those 2 other blessings that have the honor of calling you Mother.
I sit here sobbing for your loss and holding my precious children a little closer….I have been fortunate enough to never have had a miscarriage, but with my strong faith I feel your pain. A loss of a child at anytime born or not is still the loss of child. I hope God helps comfort you and you can find peace in knowing that your sweet Andrew is in heaven watching over you. Even though we may not understand why God does the things he does we need to believe he knows better than us and has a plan. ( and I understand that is much easier for me to say not being in your situation but having the faith is all I can offer to help)
May God Bless you and your family.
Kristin, Thank you for sharing Andrew’s story. My heart is really heavy as I read your story. Time will help heal you. God gave Andrew to you to serve a purpose, and he has made you even a stronger woman than you already are. Andrew will be with Jesus until you can hold your baby again.
God bless you and your family.
Shari
I am so proud of you sharing this experience. I was 12 weeks when I lost my baby. I remember taking a pregnancy test, and then still going with my SIL to have a blood test to make sure I really was pregnant. It took us years of trying. I was really pregnant! Then, at an appointment a few days before I was 12 weeks along, they should have gotten the heartbeat at that point, but they didn’t. They did a sonogram and found no heartbeat. The sac was now empty. I had what was called a blighted ovum. My heart was ripped out. I had my husband drive me home. Then, I took myself to the church, layed on the alter and cried out to God. I prayed, I tried to believe for even a miracle. I was just not going to give into this bad report. And, I knew God was the only one to help me through this time. Even reading this, my heart just hurts. I remember having such excitement to hear the heartbeat, but to only have my dreams shattered. I was confused to know how to handle myself b/c to me I had a baby, and I still believe I did. Was I going to look crazy to everyone else? Just do what you need to do. We all love you and support you. Let it out, and know you are loved! : )
.What a beautful story. YOU are a very special women. God has special plans for you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
You are so Strong! I do not know how you wrote this. I have read it twice and cried my eyes out both times! I am so very sorry you and your family have experienced such a horrible pain! ((HUGS)) I have no idea the pain you must be feeling. I will say a special prayer for you sweet angle baby tonight!
You may have already seen these sites but I would want to know about these if I had experienced the loss of a child. A friend of mine had a stillbirth and she found a very sweet pendant to remember her baby. It is a heart with baby footprints on it.
http://myforeverchild.com/store/WsDefault.asp?Cat=Pendants
She also shared this website with me where the name of a loved one is written in the sand at sunset and photographed. You’ll have to wait to make a request but I think this is just a beautiful way to remember a loved one.
http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/
God bless you and your family!
My heart is breaking for you and your family after reading your story. I am so sorry for your loss. It brings back many sad memories. I have an angel ornament on our Christmas tree for the baby I lost 13 years ago. My thoughts are with you!
He is beautiful. I have cried many tears while following his story and reading this post I had a miscarriage myself and it is a pain you never quite get over- but it does lessen I promise you it does. I thankfully had a wonderful husband who had enough faith to support mine when I doubted and questioned and railed against God during those horrible months that followed. It was the only time in my life I lost my faith so I will share with you the one scripture that still reached me in those dark times. Psalms 34:18- “God is near to those broken at heart and those crushed in spirit he saves. ” Please remember that God knows “even the embryo” of us all and he loves/knows/cherishes your son. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Honey, I don’t know what to say except I am truly sorry for your loss. I just got the courage to read your beautiful story about your precious Andrew. I had failed epidurals with my two babies as well. I have no idea what you must be feeling, but please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
Belle
That is a heartbreaking, touching story. I am so sorry for what you’ve been through. I’m glad we can be here for support, even from afar. I’m a sonographer, so I’m often in the position of giving bad news to expectant moms. It is without doubt the most difficult thing I ever have to do. I hope the pain gets easier as the days pass. Love to you and your family.
Thank you so much for sharing sweet little Andrew’s story. He is a beautiful baby. I lost my sweet little Quinn when I was 19 week pregnant. He would have been 15 this coming February. It still hurts so much. A year later, we lost our little Gavin at 11 weeks. I wish no one ever had to go through that kind of pain, but it helps to read stories like yours and know we are not alone.
What a perfect, boy! I am sure he felt every ounce of LOVE you had for him! Nothing I can say will even begin to help your broken heart but I believe all things happen for a reason. There is something greater than us that is taking place and hopefully that will bring you comfort. Just remember its ok to be angry and you have the right to feel like that. <3
What a wonderfully written story, so touching. I am so sorry that you had to go through this but I bet you will help many with your story. Stay strong and many hugs to you.
Your story is so touching. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
My prayers are with you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us.
I’m glad you have such a supportive family. I lost my baby at 12 weeks while overseas with my husband in the military and was sent home to have the labor by myself because it was the military hospital and they didn’t want to deal with me over Labor Day weekend. I was in labor by myself for 24 hours in unbelievable pain and had to pull the baby out by myself. My sister in law came to visit (overseas) the next day and was completely non-supportive and acted like nothing was the matter. Only going thru that experience will anybody truly understand the loss.
my heart goes out to you and your family as well as my prayers. may God hold you and bless you
Kristin I am sitting here bawling. Bawling for you and Andrew, bawling for me and my sweet Audrey-Anna. I have not posted yet about your loss because of selfish reasons. I am 18w pregnant and everyday I am terrified. See in 2001 I had my precious baby girl. She was born in August 2001 at 27 weeks. She never took a breath of life and I still miss her to this day. I was married to my first husband at the time and I had no family close to me. He and his family acted (and still do) like Aubrey-Anna never existed. I am sure that was his way of handling it; he got rid of everything of hers before I got home from the hospital. We never had a memorial or anything for her. I have read your story and will remember Andrew everyday just like I do Aubrey-Anna. My song for her has been Kenny Chesney- Who You’d Be Today. I can tell you Andrew will always be in your heart and mind, the pain, the joy, everything. I don’t believe it ever gets easier I just think we learn how to cope. Thank you for the wonderful picture of Andrew and for sharing your story. I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write to you. Please know you are in my prayers and if there is ever anything I can do for you I am here. I know I have never meet you but I would like to offer any comfort I possibly could.
Jessica
God Bless you.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have cried and cried and cried. I am a mother of 6. I have three boys here and three angels in heaven. My heart hurts for you and if I could take some of your pain I would. The pain will never go away but it will eventually be tolerable. I pray for peace for you and your family. God Bless.
Kristin,
My heart is broken for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story. I have prayed for you and think about you often. I thought of you the whole day you had to deliver Andrew. What a traumatic thing to have to do. You are so brave and strong. You are having to walk through the pain right now to get through it. You can’t go around it. You are blessed with many people who love you…people who don’t even know you personally, such as myself. It seems like you might feel that something you did may have caused you to lose Andrew. Do not feel that way and be so hard on yourself. Nothing you did was wrong. You are an amazing mother! I will continue to keep you in my thought and prayers. ((((((HUGS))))) from Jacksonville!!!
I will be praying for you. I can’t begin to imagine what you are going through, my heart is aching for you. Thank you for sharing your sweet Andrew’s life story!
Oh Kristin, how have I missed this? My life has been so busy these past few days that I am only now finding out about your loss.
If I could give you a big hug right now, I would (all the way from California)!
As I read this post, all I could do was bawl my eyes out as it brought back feelings and thoughts about our loss. And yes, Andrew is such a beautiful baby!!!!
I so wish I could say something that would make things all better, that would take away your tears and sorrow.
Please know, I am only an e-mail away!
How brave you are to put your experience into words and share that very personal experience with us. I am so sorry for your loss and I pray for your peace and comfort during this time. I know we dont know each other personally but i have been following your blog for quite some time and my heart just aches for you and your family. God bless you during this difficult time….
Thank you for sharing Andrew’s story. You will be in my prayers. Thank you also for sharing his picture – he is an absolutely beautiful boy.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry for your loss. May God bless you and your family.
Thank you for sharing. I am praying for you and your family.
Words can not express my sorrow for you and your family right now. I have a child in heaven as well. The only thing I can tell you is to take things one minute at a time.
Kelly
My heart aches for you, your family, and your precious sleeping baby. I am so thankful God gave you the strength to post about your experience and include a picture of your Andrew. After I lost my father (and found his in his home) I found it very cathartic to share the experience with others…..keeping it bottled up inside just made the situation worse. Your healing will begin by sharing this experience. I don’t know the words to say, but just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and praying for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. 10 years ago this month, I delivered my sleeping 20 week old baby. 15 days later, my best friend gave birth to her 7 month old sleeping baby. Nothing I can say will make your pain go away, even though I really wish there is something I could say that would fix it. You are so blessed to have such a strong support and amazing faith. I pray for you every night that God will take your sadness and pain and leave you only with love and peace.
God bless you
My heart aches for you. I am so glad you have faith in God, because that is the one thing that has pulled me through my journey. I lost 5 babies, and then we tried to adopt and had 2 failed adoptions. Our family knows loss quite well. God is with you and He will carry you through this.
God Bless you and your family.
You are certainly in my heart tonight. Your son was beautiful and sweet – may he rest in peace.
May God give you his “peace that passes all understanding!” Only a super-natural peace can soothe the soul in times like these. Sending Love!
I am so, so sorry you and your family lost little Andrew. How I wish the tears I’ve shed over it could help you somehow.
You were the first person or Web site to get me into couponing. Somehow I lucked out, because yours is the site that helped introduce me to so many good, safe links that actually work. You make the site personal and inviting, and that is a great accomplishment.
I felt as if I got to know you a bit through your postings. Your personality comes through … you share a bit here and there, and all in a very gracious and appropriate way. I especially appreciate it because I’m so cautious about the Internet.
To see the alarming hints of possible difficulty with your pregnancy made me catch my breath. Then the terribly sad news appeared, and I cried and gave you all the credit in the world for holding it together at all. I imagine there are times when you don’t feel you’re holding it together. As a therapist I can tell you that writing about dear little Andrew was such a wonderful thing to do for yourself, since you seemed ready to share with your dedicated followers.
How glad I am that you have faith to sustain you in the unbearable moments. I believe the gift of faith is written in our hearts as the Bible says it is, and that even in the times when you rail against this loss, that faith is always there, waiting for you, with timeless patience.
What an amazing person you are, that this post of mine combines “business,” consolation, appreciation, and encouragment — all for someone I’ve never met. Please accept my deepest sympathy.
This was a beautiful story. I cried as I read this. Be strong. Keep the faith. I will continue to pray for you and your family.
Your story was very touching. Andrew was a beautiful little boy. God bless you as you lean on him.
My heart aches for you. I’m so sorry for your loss. You are so very brave. Thanks for sharing your story. I am blessed with one miracle from God. I haven’t had the chance to have another. I thank God everyday for my miracle. My Luke. Your story has touched my heart. God Bless you and your family during this time. :)
Thank you for sharing your story. I know that it’s hard to say out loud, but sometimes it helps to get the words out of you by writing. I know that your precious baby will be waiting for you in heaven and that your family will be together as a whole unit one day. Until then, don’t try to rush your heart. It will mend in it’s own way and on it’s own time. Bless your heart.
This entire situation has very much so touched my heart. I have been worrying about you as if you were one of my close friends. I cried practically the entire time through Andrew’s story. He did look very peaceful. God is certainly is comforting him right now. What got me through a similar experience was knowing that he will never have to encounter the harshness this world offers. He is in the place we all hope to be someday.
You definitely are a very strong person! I know times are tough, but you will get through it. You obviously have a great family to support you. Plus, your “couponing family” is here for you, too!
Bless you. For everything you have been though and for your unstoppable faith during the hardest of times. You had me crying and smiling. You are strong. Thank you for sharing.
Kristen,
My heart aches for you. I will have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers for as long as you need them. God has a plan for us all and Andrew has a much bigger job to do in Heaven than he could’ve ever had on Earth. By telling your story you’ll help someone, I just know it! I hope that it also brought you peace by sharing your story.
God Bless.
This truly touched my heart. Thank you for sharing Andrew’s precious story with us. My prayers are with you and your family as you go through this difficult time.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are so brave and my prayers are sill with you and your family.
You are a strong woman to have shared this story, and I continue to pray for you every day. I pray that you will find comfort in the fact that you have so many of us who consider you a friend praying for you and your family, and that you have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children who love you and will help you through this time. Also, your third child, a sweet little boy who is now in heaven, is watching over you and your family and one day you will be with him for eternity. God bless you!
I read this entry, before i began i had tears in my eye. To me you have become a friend and it hurts seeing my friend go through this. I am Glad you are a christian, i dont know how anyone could get thru this without God. Your Andrew is precious and now in the arms of God. He is now swaying with Andrew.
God Bless you
Dearest Kristen and All of your Family;
I am so very sorry to All of you for your loss. Please take comfort in knowing that your Angel is with God and he will be with All of you Always. He is watching over you and is with your Precious Loved ones.
All of you are in my Thoughts and Prayers. So many people care about you and need you Kristen. YOU are an absolute Blessing to so many.
I have been reading your blog daily for a while now, and feel as though you are a friend. I hurt so much for you. I will continue to pray for your comfort and healing. That was such a beautiful story. You truley have three beautiful, precious children.
I just finished reading about Andrew. I am so sorry. It made me cry. I hope it helps to tell your story and share your feelings. You are so honest with how you feel. You seem like you would be a great person to know. I’ve been following your blog since May. I wish you peace and prayers!!!
Kristin,
I am so sorry for what you and your family have gone through. I am a daily reader but have not had internet for a few weeks- I was shocked. My heart aches. I cried as I read your words. I balled. You are so strong and Andrew is so loved. I also lost a child- but it was at 10 weeks. I do not know if I could have been as strong as you if I was 18 weeks. I will be thinking of your family. Thank you for sharing your story.
That is great that you have written this story down. I just lost my baby 1 week ago and had a D & C 4 days ago. I was only 11 weeks a long so it wasn’t quite so dramatic. This brings tears to my eyes because of your loss but also because of the tender love I can tell you have for your children and family. I’m sorry for your loss.
Kristen, he is beautiful. I am thinking about all of you and praying that God wraps his arms around you and holds on tight. Thank you for sharing your little angel with us. He truly was a special blessing. God bless you and your family.
I read every word. I cried and I will say a prayer for you and your family.
I’m really sorry for your loss,
My heart aches at your loss. I read your blog daily and appreciate all you do. I am so sorry for your difficult journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Thank you so much for sharing your heartbreaking story with us. Know that you are providing strength to those who will walk this journey after you. Praying for healing for you and your family.
Andrew is such a handsome little man, im so so terribly sorry for you and your family’s loss. You all now have a special little angel watching over you! God Bless you and your family
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I have never felt the pain of losing a child and pray I never do. We will never really know how you feel, but your story helps me understand what those who have are going through.
Thank you for sharing your story Kristen. I remember when we lost Lael there just weren’t enough tears in this world for the amount of pain I was feeling. A lot of people just didn’t seem to understand. I was now a mother. period. It was my first baby. Mother’s day was so hard. We were going out to eat with my husband’s family and my dear mother-in-law well she actually seemed to get it. She gave me a Mother’s day card. The only person who did. I cherished it. I really only started to heal though when I wrote about the experience and my precious child. He died when I was 12 weeks along so they didn’t know the sex of the baby. So hoping this a first step in the very long healing process ahead. Thankfully you have the Lord right by your side helping you. He is our Healer and that’s definitely not just physical. Your Andrew is so very precious.
Kristin,
Your writting is beautiful. The amazing part is to bring such beauty to such a heartbreaking loss. That is where God comes in. He can bring light and hope to the saddest of situations. May your story, and that of baby Andrew show the light of hope that Jesus brings. I’m glad you could share your story. There is healing and acceptance in telling your experience.
On a side note: Isn’t it wonderful to hear the kind words of so many?. We turn on the news and it is full of such violance and the less than best side of people. To read through the comments and to hear such love, acceptance and honesty is so refreshing. When things all melt down, people ARE good! That is just a “part” of why I enjoy this blog. It’s a chance to see people loving on people and wanting the best for one another.
Keep healing, God is good and he loves you!
What a beautiful and touching story! I will be a wonderful reminder of your time with your son and a special tribute to his life. Thank you so much for sharing it with your virtual friends. There are so many of us out here who have had similar experiences, and it is nice to come together here and remember our own little lost lambs. I want you to know I am praying for you and your family in this time of great loss.
How special we feel that you chose to share Andrew’s story and photo with us. He is a miracle baby! You are a very special mother! God bless!
I am absolutely beside myself with grief for you. This was so moving, and I am amazed at your strength in going through this. I think God works in mysterious ways, but one thing I’m sure of is that He is there….every minute…while sobbing in the shower, while we yell and scream….He IS there. Lean on Him because it’s what He wants you to do. Your children are lucky to have such a wonderful mother as you and you are an amazing testimony. God Bless You and we’ll keep praying for your family.
With tears in my eyes I just want to tell you that you are so brave and I think you are my new hero. God bless you and look forward to the day when you will be rejoined with you son again, in Heaven and he will not be asleep.
I sat here and read your beautiful but heartbreaking story with tears in my eyes. I too lost a son, he was 10 months old. I felt like I was dying from the inside out. It is un-natural for us as parents to bury our children. We are so unprepared. My god heal your broken heart and your pain. Bless you.
Kristen,
Thank you, thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope those ladies reading it that are not Christians can somehow come to know him through Andrew & your brave story. Thank you for reminding me to be thankful for & kiss my boys extra tonight.
Sending heartfelt hugs your way. My Andrew was stillborn 12 years ago. Again, please know that you have lots of prayers headed your way. You have a beautiful family…
Kristin,
As I was reading about your Andrew, I couldn’t help but want to hug you. This story has touched me more that you will ever know. How brave you are to share this with your “couponing to disney” family. Many people here truly care about you even though we may have never met face to face. I can only hope that by sharing your experience it has somehow helped in the healing process. Andrew (and your other two adorable childrer) are so lucky to have such a wonderful mother! You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I can’t imagine how painful this must be for you. My heart goes out to you. As I read your story, tears ran down my cheeks. Andrew is a precious lil angel. May God wrap his arms around you and give you peace and comfort.
-Proverbs 3:5,6-
Oh what an inspiration and a brave, brave woman for sharing this personal story.I am weeping as I write this,for you are just a beautiful,loving,giving devoted person that your family, i am SURE, just cherishes!!!While this story does not resonate personally for me,somehow I can feel your pain and anguish as I read your wonderfully written and so very poignant letter.I want you to know,I am sure you will help others by posting this,and I am also sure you will be ok,becaue you have the LORD in your life and your heart and well,he just has a way of taking care of us.
Thank you my sweet,and may GOD bless you and your family each and everyday!
by the way,Andrew Johnathon is just perfect!!May he always be your angel above.
Much love,Leslie
I first wanted to say that my heart just breaks for you. I Pray Gods peace over you and your family, may he bring you rest, peace and heal your heart. I have never been a mother, but I have seen what my Mother has gone through. I tell people that my Mother has been pregnant 12 times, has given birth to 9 and is raising 7. I am the oldest so I have seen her go through it all. The two that she gave birth to were about the same as your son. Their names are Deborah Anne and David Allen and they are buried next to each other. I was 8 and 16 years old when they were born. I have loved them since I knew they would join our family and I look forward to the day when I will be able to finely meet meet, Worshiping to together at our lords feet. I will be praying for your family. Thank you for sharing the story of you beloved little boy
Thank you for sharing your story. I can’t imagine what I could add that others have not already said. I held it together until you started talking about being so angry with God. I remember having the same emotions on 2 occasions and also knowing that it would do me no good but being angry none the less.
We know not the ways of the LORD but He knows all. May you find comfort in your faith in our LORD Jesus Christ and the love of your family. Someday you will meet dear Andrew again.
What a beautiful story. You are a very strong woman. I will continue to pray for you. God Bless!
I am overwhelmed with emotion after reading your story. Your angel Andrew is beautiful. I am a mommy of 5 – 4 on earth and 1 in heaven. 14 years ago I lost my very first son, Jordan, at 22weeks. Reading your story was incredibly difficult for me. I know this may sound weird now, but you a very blessed that your doctor did not rush you through this process. You may already, and some day will even more, appreciate the time you had with your son. I did not do the same. I was young and completely distraught- I did not see my baby or hold my baby after delivering. I thought it would be too hard. I wish so very much that I had. I have a picture, but that is it. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I have complete faith that both my son and yours are in heaven enjoying being in the presence of our Lord Jesus. God Bless you and your family. I will be praying for you.
Reading your story brought tears to my eyes and brought back so much of my own story.Today my little girl Haley Rose would be 9 years old.SHe was with us for 6 months and i thank God for those 6 months. THe day before she was born they did a ultra sound and found she was way to small. THey said they wouldn’t know forsure what was wrong untill i had her so we did the next day. And my hell begain.She was born with Trismoy 18, everyday was a gift from God.My heart goes out to you the lost of a child puts a hole in your heart.
May God bless you and your family.
You are one very strong woman.
I am in awe of your courageousness.
May Andrew watch over you and your family forever.
My heartfelt thoughts are with you
What a beautiful tribute to your son. Nobody should ever half to go through that heartache and I fought not to cry for you as I read this. God Bless you all!
God bless you.
What a beautiful story for your little boy. I have prayed for you and your family. The picture of your precious boy shows just how much care the nurses took in honoring him.
I was debating on reading this. But I feel like I know you personally and I read it, it was so beautiful but so sad at the same time. I want to thank you for sharing your story and your wonderful family with us. You have had such sorrow this year but at the beginning of the story you mentioned that you never left your daughters side and you will never leave Andrew’s side and he will never leave your side. You will always have his memory. He is such a beautiful sweet boy. I can’t image going threw it but you remain strong for your other children and that makes you a wonder Mom and person. You are such an inspiration to us all and you have such a wonderful heart and nothing and I mean nothing will ever take that away.
Keep your head held high Andrew would want that from you!
My heart aches for you. Just over a year ago I experienced the loss of a child at 19 weeks. Complications from a cercilage put me in the hospital. After removing and replacing the cercilage, I was put on bedrest for a week in the hospital. At that time the baby had a 50% changes of surviving. Things were great NO complications. this was going to be a strong healthy baby. On the day of discharge the nurse decided to check the babys heart beat for one last time, It was at the time the NO heart beat was found. I too delievered a angel. I viewed your sons picture, amazing how similar the two boys looked alike.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I’m sorry for your lost. Your story was sweet and inspirational that we can get through just about anything. I cried for you and I will pray for you. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that being able to tell your story will heal your heart and give you peace. My prayers are with you and your family.
I have tears streaming down my face right now. I am so sorry for your loss. I find it most refreshing that you cling so tightly to your faith in God. In a world so full of self-centered people it is wonderful to know that people still believe in faith and the power of God. I don’t know why you had to endure this trial, and it is none of my business anyway, but your story inspired my to be more compassionate to others who may be in a similiar situation. (I have never been through a miscarriage, and always thought it was no big deal.) And you have also renewed my faith in God and his healing power.
Your story is beautiful and so is your little boy. My heart goes out to your whole family.
Kristin,
My heart is aching for you and I had tears in my eyes as I read your story. May God comfort you with His love during this time. Please know that I am praying for you and your family.
That was the most moving thing I have ever read. I sit here at work, in front of my computer in tears for all the pain that you and your family are going through. You are so strong and I wish you all the best. Andrew was absolutely beautiful and may he continue to live through your memories.
Thank you for sharing your story Kristin. Andrew is a beautiful child of God and I personally am blessed to hear this story. I cried throughout, remembering the pain of losing our daughter Emma Grace. I have felt all of the feelings you described. Those days, weeks after delivering my sleeping angel don’t seem real. I was numb… thank God for your family – and your friends! Most of all – your FAITH ! I know that for me I never would have made it through without my faith…even if I did say some pretty harsh things during prayer time. ;)
<3 <3 <3…
Praying for you and your family. I'm so sorry…
So sorry for your loss. GOD makes everything happen for his purpose. We never know why some things happen. Keep strong and May GOD bless you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your incredible story! I was so shocked when I read about the terrible news and I cried as I read the story. I read your blog daily, its my favorite! God bless you and yours. I will keep you in my prayers.
Sweet Kristin, I am so very sorry for everything you are going through. I just read your story and I cried as I read your words. It is such an emotional and vidid story. It is sad but it also shows what strength you have to deal with everything. You are a very strong woman and you will get through this. I know it’s cliche but time heals all wounds. And as each day passes, you are healing. Thank goodness you have such a strong support system with your family, friends and church. They are all important at a time like this. But please remember to not hesitate to ask for help. It’s good to be strong, but it’s also perfectly okay to ask for help. I’m sending big (((hugs))) to you and a prayer for your little Andrew. Please take care and bless you for sharing your story with us.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of your readers. I’m sure it was incredibly hard to do. I pray for your family every night & I sincerely hope that God offers you some healing. Your little Andrew is beautiful & has such a wonderful, strong mother.
Kristin I am so sorry for what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. I was ecstatic when I found that you were pregnant. I can not say I know what it is to lose a child but I will tell you that he lives among you still as your guardian angel. My continued prayers to your family and may god give you peace and strength with the whole situation. You baby is as beautiful as you said may he rest in peace… Know that only god knows why things happens and they say that he does not give us more than what we can handle. So have faith and pray for strength to get through this.
I am so sorry for your loss Kristin. I cannot even imagine. I had a miscarraige at 7 weeks but that is nothing like your loss. I am crying right now from reading your story. It hurts me that you had to go through that, or that anyone ever has to go through that. His tiny footprints are so perfect. You are a strong, amazing woman.
thank you so much for that…i don’t even know what to say…he’s beautiful and you’ll be with him for eternity on the other side.
Thank you for sharing, K. Love you!
Words can not describe how deeply moved I was by your story. My husband and I lost our first baby in much the same way. I understand the mix of emotions you have and really not knowing what to do. Just keep yourself busy and around people who love you, they and the Lord almighty will be the ones that help carry you through. May God bless you and watch over your sweet family during this time and always!
Kristin – I’m sooo sorry. You have my deepest sympathy and condolences. (I’m crying as I write this.)
You are such a strong person! This was really hard for me to get through and especially when I got to his picture. So, I know it was a hundred times harder for you to write it. You are truly an inspiration and I hope you sharing your story helps your healing process even more. Big hugs and prayers for you and your family!
I cried and cried reading this. I am so glad that you posted this. I felt so many of the same emotions when I lost my little one. You are a strong and brave woman, and I am proud of you for sharing your experience with the rest of us as we join you in your grief.
Thank you for sharing your precious angel, Andrew, with us. I am so sorry for you loss. It took me several tries to get all the way through the story. I cried just reading it. Andrew was a beautiful baby boy. You sound like the most amazing person ever. I hope i meet you some day. God bless you and your family. They all sound like wonderful people. I hope God’s angels are giving you comfort right now. Thinking of you.
Thank you for sharing your story and picture of Andrew with us. It was wonderful to read about Andrew but also heartbreaking. I think of you and pray for you so often during the day.
That is such a sweet story. I love yall with all my heart. You have always been a wonderful mom and the best sister-in-law anyone could ask for. If you need me just call.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. My family sends their sympathies to your family. I too am grateful for the 19 weeks you and yours had with Andrew.
You Andrew is as beautiful and perfect as you described. My heart is breaking for you and your family and our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you for sharing your story and the picture of your precious angel.
Oh, Kristin, I am so sorry for your loss and this difficult experience. Thank you for telling Andrew’s story and sharing it with all of us. I had two losses before having my wonderful son and, though they were difficult for me, I cannot begin to fathom your experience. Thank you again for telling your story… all too often those of us who lose a baby are too soon encouraged to move on, don’t dwell and blah blah blah (often even by people who love us and think they are helping.) At times, I felt like I was the only one who felt like my lost children were actual people, which made me feel even sadder and more alone. It’s important for us to be able to talk about and share memories of our lost loved one. I am so sorry for you to have to go through this. Take care… these early days are tough.
Dear Kristin, I am so sorry for your loss and the difficult time you and your family are going through and am inspired by your sharing the story of your son. I experienced a loss at 19 weeks when within six hours I went from being at work and happily pregnant to giving birth to a son who would pass almost immediately after birth due to an incompetent cervix. I lost another one at 13 weeks, but am now blessed to have two daughters here with me. Grief is handled differently by everyone and it is definitely a difficult process, but with time you will be stronger because of it. May it bring you comfort to know that others are praying for you and your family. God bless!
Thanks for sharing your story. I know it will also be a comfort to many who read it. I’ll continue to keep you and your family in my prayers.
There were tears rolling down my face as I read this. How strong you are to be able to put this into words for us all to read. Hope it will begin the healing process for you. God Bless you and your family!
I am so sorry for your loss { hugs }
I am so sorry for your loss. I remember the moment in the sonogram room when I learned that I had lost my baby. It is a memory I wish I could forget. You have been in my prayers everyday and will continue to be. Thank you for sharing your story. God Bless You and your family.
My thoughts and prayers are with you daily. Thanks for sharing your story. I pray that God is with you and your family as your hearts heal.
Jonathan’s life has touched so many lives because you were strong enough to share it. Thank you for your strength and courage. I will continue to pray for you, you have lived through my worst fear.
Sharing your journey is a very positive step towards healing. You are an amazing person and you do an awesome job on your website. One day at a time….time really does help to heal your heart. Pull out your pix of Disney and dwell on your happy memories and your beautiful family. Glad Emily is doing well. She is very strong just like you.
Thank you for sharing Andrew’s story with us Kristin. He DID leave an imprint on this earth and with every one of your blog readers. I will keep praying for God to wrap his arms around your family.
I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you for sharing your story with us. Stay strong in the Father’s love and Word…He will never leave nor forsake us. Love you and I’m praying for you!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to experience such pain. I know you will never stop missing your precious baby, nor should you. But just think about what joy he is experiencing in Heaven! You’ll meet him again one day. You will be in my prayers. Thank you for continuing to work on your blog. You are an inspiration to more people than you will ever realize.
Thank You for sharing (tears) Andrew’s life with us. You are a strong, beautiful woman of God. Remember to lean on Him during this time. Everyone of us here in SC will continue to pray for you.
What a wonderful story, and a beautiful testament of God and His Hand. Always remember He loves you and that beautil little boy will always be there to proitect you. God just needed a new and beautiful angel that day. M<y deepest prayers
I am so sorry for your loss. Andrew is a special son to have such a wonderful mother like you. I had 3 miscarriages before having my two beautiful children here on earth. I know the pain you are enduring and I pray it eases for you soon. I often think about my angels. It will become easier but you will never forget. He will always be a part of you, smiling down from heaven.
God be with you. May He grant you His perfect peace. Your baby is beautiful and that’s wonderful that you have those mementos to keep him with you.
We lost our baby at 7 weeks when we found out it was ectopic. How difficult at the ultrasound, to see our sweet baby’s heartbeat, with joy and thanks to God, and then being rushed to the operating room so they could take our baby from us and let it die. We were beyond heartbroken and confused.
Oh it was so emotionally painful. We thought we were done having children too, like you. We prayed for another child for 3 years and couldn’t conceive. I gave up trying to get pregnant. When we finally got pregnant with this baby, and then lost it, that only made us want to continue trying to conceive. 3 wonderful months later, we were pregnant with a healthy baby girl and she is now 3 years old.
God is so good, he heals our hearts, if we allow him. We can encourage others with our experience and I will be praying for you and your heart. HUGS Kristin
Thank you for sharing this story. I too have lost a baby and it’s hard . . . so hard. It seems as if no one understands and you wonder if you even have a right to grieve.
But you do. Take it easy on yourself. Every day will get just a small bit better.
And know that none of this was your fault. We don’t understand the whys and hows . . . and oh, have I been angry. But it isn’t your fault and there’s nothing you could have done!
I just finished your story and I cried right along with you. I am so sorry for your loss. May God be with you throughout this challenging time. Blessings from our family in Florida.
Andrew was clearly a gift to you, your daughter and every person he touched. Even to those who are touched by his story here. I feel such hurt reading your story that I can’t imagine what you are going through. I can tell your family is coming closer and stronger through the pain and I wish only happy and good things for all of you as you all have had some trying times. Thank you for sharing your story. I know in my case having a sick child sometimes I tend to forget about the positives, but today I will be counting my many blessings.
What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing your heart with us….Andrew is a beautiful baby~ HUGS to you and yours!
You are such an incredible person. I have thought of you often this week. I hope that you find peace and that happiness returns to your life soon. What a rough year you have had. I followed the troubles with your daughter’s health in disbelief and then when all this happened with the baby my heart broke for you. You have been so amazingly strong. Crying and tears are not a measure of strength. Through all this you have made sure that your children were cared for and could get through this in a loving way. That makes you an incredibly, strong woman and a wonderful mother. I love your website not because of the Disney theme (sorry) but because of your enthusiasm. Thank you. You will continue to be in my thoughts.
Thank you for sharing this experience. It is definitely not an experience that anyone should have to go through…but your story will help others.
You are a strong individual and God knows that. Baby Andrew is a blessing and beautiful! My heart goes out to you and your family.
Thanks for sharing your story. I was crying before I was halfway through. You are a great mommy and Andrew Is watching over his family from above. Keep your head up and you continue to be surrounded by great caring loving friends and family.
There is nothing wrong with what you wrote. I wish that I had something like this to read when I had my miscarriage to know that all the emotions that I was having were normal.
Thank You so much for sharing your story!! I can’t imagine what going through, but I know God Is there to comfort and Love on you as you need it. I have been falling your blog for about 2 years now and feel a genuine connection to you and your family. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers!!!
Thank you for sharing your life and love with so many of us. I am sorry for your loss of beautiful Andrew. Losing a child is so hard and makes you and your family stronger than ever expected. I have also experienced loss as well as close friends of mine. You’ve now joined a sisterhood that none of us ever wanted, but we have found strength in sharing. if you need a forum to go for such support, please consider joining many of us at “community dot lamsupport dot org”. Sorry if it’s not ok, to post sites, but I do really want you to have support from others that have gone through this. No judging, no worries of what your feelings are while you grieve.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. Although I have been through exactly what you have been through, I can’t even begin to tell you that I understand. Your story is very much like mine (down to the OB doctor situation and the epidural not working). I am a mom of 4 children (3 on earth and 1 in heaven). Our 3rd came after we lost our little girl (we definitley weren’t trying, but it was in God’s plan).
I will continue to pray for you and your family.
I am continueing to think of you and your family. {{{hugs}}}
After several attempts, I was finally able to finish your story and I am over whelmed. You will always remember Andrew as he was a part of your life even if for only a short time. May you and your family find comfort in knowing he is with God and you will always have your very own special angel. May God Bless you and your family. God will stay by your side and get you through this.
Thank you Kristin. You were so honest and I appreciate that. You made me think back to the time in my life (over 15 years ago) when I was trying to get pregnant with a second and had to do artificial inseminations and IVF. Nothing ever worked. It broke my heart and changed me forever. But, I didn’t want it to ruin my whole life. I, too, got angry and yelled at God. I could not understand why he would let this happen to me. What did help me, over some time, was to think of how our Savior said, “O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” St. Matthew 26: 39. I’ll not ever be able to have that kind of trust in God, but I will try very hard to have that kind of trust in God. There are days that I say to myself,” why didn’t I have more kids?” and then I remember. And what often comes to my mind is the scripture in Phillipians 4:7 which talks of the “peace of God, which passeth all understanding.” I’ve had that peace ( I always will need that peace) and it will be there for you when you are ready.
Andrew was perfect and, perhaps, it just wasn’t needed for him to go through this life with all its troubles. So, yes, you have an angel and I truly believe you’ll see him again one day.
What a beautiful story of your sweet boy! My heart aches for you as I know what it’s like to lose a child. I miscarried with our 2nd baby but it was early on (around 7 weeks). So thankful the Lord has blessed you with an amazing family and such great support! Andrew is a beautiful angel! Praying for you and so inspired by your courage to fight for your son and share his story with us.
My heart aches for you because I know what you are going through. I have a story very much like yours that I keep locked away. I lost a set of twins two years ago on December 25th and January 5th. I’ve never felt so lost in all my life. Their pregnancy was a surprise to us but a blessing no less. It showed us that we did want to be parents again. Not even two months later I was pregnant again with my beautiful daughter. I’m thankful to them and God for giving me her. I know that without them she would not be here with me today. As hard as it is, you have to put your trust into God’s hands and let him lead you. He has other plans for you.
Kristin,
Thank you for sharing your story; I cried the whole time I read it. Your little Andrew was absolutely beautiful. I am absolutely astounded by your strength during this time. You are truly an inspiration. I only found your blog about 6 months ago and read it every day. I pray that you continue to find strength in your family and in your faith.
Katie
All I can say is thank you for sharing this wonderful story with us. I am a proud angel mommy to Angel and Greer. I also have 3 wonderful babies here on Earth and am baking one more. I needed to read this today as I have been having lots of aches and pains and forget that there are many mommies out there that wish they were having those same ones. I am sure Andrew, Angel, Greer, and many other angels are in Heaven smiling down on us all today. I learned after losing Greer that my kids were my source of strength, and it seems that way for all moms. My oldest son always talks about him and how he can’t wait to see him in Heaven. My youngest son always asks to rub his necklace (myforeverchild.com is wonderful when you are ready), he really feels that makes him closer to Greer and Angel. I will keep praying for you. I wish I could take all the hurt and sadness away as its something that I wish no one else had to feel. Andrew was beautiful and perfect.
Thank you for sharing the story of your sweet baby Andrew. Prayers and hugs…
Kristin, My eyes filled with tears in reading Andrew’s brief life story. What a blessed little guy to have been fortunate to have been a part of your loving family briefly here on earth and forever in heaven. Thank you for feeling safe enough to share your pain and your family’s pain with your extended family on the web. We too feel your heartache because with care about you. Many prayers will continue to be shared on behalf of you and your family. I continue to add mine to them.
Sending prayers of compassion,
Marcia
I am so very sorry for your all’s loss. May God wrap his arms around you and his family and hold tightly. Trust in Him. Thank you so much for sharing.
Kristin,
Your story is so incredibly moving. My heart has truly ached and I, upon hearing your story, have cried many tears. Your little Andrew is beautiful and I pray for continued strength for you and your family during this dark time in your life. Some people dream of seeing angels and you actually got to hold one. (((Hugs)))
Kristin,
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with your angel, Andrew. I love you and will continue to pray for you and your family.
Stacey
Thank you for sharing your story about Andrew!! I know it’s hard to wonder why he was taken to Heaven so early but his time was fulfilled. I know your story about Andrew will touch a lot of people and the Lord will work through it all. His plan is always the best even though it is hard for us to understand! Isn’t it great to know you will see your son again, it isn’t goodbye, it’s see you soon!! I pray the Lord will comfort you and your family through this time and grow you stronger through it all!
I just read your story and cried my eyes out. I have a 3 month old daughter and until I read this I did not think I could possibly love her more, as your words reinfoirce what a GIFT all children are, and how our lives would never be the same without them. I cannot imagine your pain, and I want you to know that there is one more person praying for you today. I pray that God will continue to give you the strength that you need. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are an amazing person and I have great admiration and respect for you. God Bless you and your family.
Stephanie Cason
Norfolk, VA
Thank you for sharing yourself, Kristen. It is easy to share the successes and our strengths, but what really encourages others is to share our weaknesses and needs and how God carries us through. You are in my prayers, that you will feel well-loved and cared for, and that this shared suffering will knit your family together. Your mother-in-law was needed more than she realized!
When Jesus died on the cross, the joy that sustained him was that he was winning all of us for eternity and resurrection. I like to imagine the resurrection day, when your Andrew wakes up next to his grandfather. What fun they will have then! The new heaven and new earth is going to last forever! No more tears then (maybe just joy?)
There are no words I can tell you to comfort you at this time but know that your story has helped many mothers. I wish you and your family all the best. This may just be a “coupon blog” but in many ways it’s so much more than that…and I thank you.
You may not feel like it but you are a very strong women. Your courage to share your story is truly amazing and I’m sure will help other hearts mend that may be going through the same thing. Your story is one of sadness but just know, one day you will be able to look back at your time with Andrew and smile. On October 15th I lost my father and the quote that is helping me through my grief is one by Dr. Seuss… “Don’t cry because it is over… smile because it happened.” Cherish those 19 weeks that God chose to give you together. He has a plan and purpose for everything and there was a reason behind your pregnancy, and someday you will realize what is was.
Cried for you hun. I’ll keep praying for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing Andrew’s life story, i cried through the whole story. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I pray God will watch over your family and help you overcome.
What a sweet little angel. Our prayers are with you.
Thank you so much for sharing Andrew’s life with us. I cried the day I read that you had lost him and I cried reading this. I know it must have been hard to write, but thank you for doing so. You and your family will be in my prayers!
So sorry for your loss! Your little girl will always have a special angel that is just for her.
I lost a sweet angel at 18 weeks and you so vividly described the moment in the ultrasound room – it took me right back there 16 years ago.
God Bless you.
I had not cried this hard since my mother passed away when I was 8 years old from breast cancer. Thank you for posting the pic of your son Andrew. God bless you and your family. Andrew is waiting for you and watching over you. In my family we believe that if you hear birds singing in the early early morning then that is the laugh of a baby that is in Heaven.
Thank you Kristen – I know that it is very hard to believe, but your heart will mend…your story is so so similar to ours. Hugs from Missouri.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m a mother of 4. 3 here on earth and 1 angel in heaven. I have many family & friends who have Angels in Heaven too. I say a prayer for comfort and strength for them everyday. you, my friend, will be added to that list. thank you again for sharing your story.
Things will get better just take it one day at a time. stay close with family friends and GOD and it will get better.
take care
Errin Spruill
Kristen,
Thank you for sharing Andrew Johnathan Cooper’s story. You and yours continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
I cried while reading Andrew’s story. You are so strong to have made it through. I just don’t think I could handle that situation. My heart is so sad for what you have gone through, I don’t even know what to say. I know this happens more often than people know but to read how you felt and what it was like I feel I can understand a little more what others have gone through. I’m so sorry for your lose & I’m glad the hospital gave you things to keep from your son. We are all here for you!!!!
Thank you for sharing your story – – I pray that every passing day gets a little easier for you…. My heart hurts for you and your family… Still praying for you and sending a big hug from Illinois!!
We are continuing to pray for you Kristin as you grieve the loss of your sweet baby boy.
I have been a daily reader of your blog for about a year now. Words cannot express how truly sorry I am for you and your family. You are in my heart and thoughts.
Dear Kristen,
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story of faith. You are absolutely amazing to have such wisdom amid the pain. The angel Andrew has a beautiful earthly mother, and God has a wonderful witness in you. Many blessings to you and your family.
Kristin,
This was a very hard story for me to read, especially being pregnant now. I cried with you through this story. Your son is beautiful and what a wonderful angel to have watching over you all. I am sorry for your loss. Bless your sweet family. YOu have been so inspirational since the first day I read your blog. Thank you for opening your life to us through the world of the internet. I pray that someone else who has experienced this finds your kind words and is comforted by them. Thank you for being strong enough to share them and for continuing to remind me that there are still good people in the world.
My close friend had this experience a few months ago. She was 18 weeks along when she found out. The baby was almost 16 weeks. I know her baby girl is with Andrew in heaven right now, I know that for a fact.
Thank you for sharing so much of your life with us, you are a strong woman full of faith and God’s love. Bless you and Andrew.
just wanted to say that Andrew is beautiful!I myself have had 3 miscarraiges and everyone of them felt as though my heart was ripped out of my chest and that is a feeling that I would never wish on anyone!But god blessed me with a healthy wonderful daughter Ryan elizabeth who will be 3 on December 21:)As I am reading your story I feel your pain your anger and your love for your children!Thank you so much much for sharing your son with us!Much love and prayers….
Heather ward…va
I just read your beautiful story about your Andrew Johnathan. I cried and my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for the pain of your loss. What I love about your story though is that there is such beautiful bonds of family, love and faith woven through it. There is such ugliness in this world sometimes and to read about the beauty of pure love is inspiring. You mentioned that it helped you to write your story so I wanted you to know personally from me, it helped me to read it. As a mother you stretched my heart and I pray for more love and peace for you and this world. I enjoy your blog and your love of Disney….saving money and loving Disney, such a perfect combination (two of my favorite hobbies:) Thank you for sharing your story. Hold tight to that sweet lamb and find comfort and joy in Life. Hope you see a rainbow soon from Heaven.
Kristen I had tears rolling down my face as I read your blog, God bless and keep you and you family I’m so sorry for your loss also! take care, tk Nelson ps thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m continuing to pray for you. I cannot imagine all of your heartache, but God does know and I know He is carrying you through this. It makes no sense in our human minds, but until He gives you the answer, I pray He gives you peace.
Continued prayers for you and your family.
I am so sorry for you loss. Your family and yourself are in my thoughts and prayers. You are a very brave person to have gone through this and shared your story of your precious son.
Robin
My heart goes out to you. I too lost a little boy, Daniel, at 18 weeks. My water broke at 18 weeks and eventually the cord prolapsed and I had to be induced. As I read your story, I found so many similar moments and emotions. I had a 2 year old daughter at the time, and have gone on to have another son one year after Daniel’s birth. That was 9 years ago….
Daniel will always be part of our family (his name is on Chrismas tree ornaments and my children, especially my son, talk about their brother in heaven). Thankfully, those horrible days have faded to a blur for me, and the pain from the hole in my heart is now tolerable. I pray for your peace and healing. Andrew will always be watching and guarding you from the stars.
What a beautiful story. I am so sorry for your pain, but I sincerely hope that you know that you did NOTHING wrong. Nothing. Mommies have enough guilt without having to carry that around too. He’s a beautiful little baby and your story is a testament to God’s grace through a heartbreaking time. My readers and I have been praying for you, and I will continue to do so.
“Not that I speak in reagard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Phillipians 4:11-13
A humongous hug is wrapping around you right now from Florida! Thank you for sharing your story of your darling Andrew!
God Bless you and your family! Andrew is beautiful! I cannot even begin to imagine what you have been through. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. XXXX
My heart aches for you and your family. I have tears in my eyes. God bless you and keep you strong during this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your story.