I can’t believe it’s already been 10 days since I held my sweet Andrew in my arms. It seems like it was only yesterday. It’s not getting any easier. I thought it would. But I don’t think it will until we have laid him to rest.
His obituary is in the paper today. You can read it in my hometown paper here if you want. I wish it didn’t exist. I wish this wasn’t happening. I wish, I wish.
We had to plan the memorial service last night. That was hard. That is something no parent should ever have to do. But I want his life to have the same respect I would of given my other children. Even though he never breathed a breath in this world. My sweet 6 year old wants to speak at the service and tell everyone how much she loves her angel brother.
There are a few songs that have given me great comfort during this time. I thought I would share them with you:
And of course writing his life story brought me tremendous comfort. You can read that here if you’d like.
I purchased the above Willow Tree angel. I collect them and I wanted one that truly showed how I feel at this time. I thought it was perfect.
The memorial service is this Saturday at 11 am at First Baptist of Moody in Moody, AL. Then Saturday, November 6th, we will lay him to rest at my father-in-law’s feet in Georgia. Then maybe I will have some closure.
I am looking for some other mementos that I can get to remember his life. I really need a perfect Christmas ornament. If you know of any items that I might get or have time to help me search for a beautiful Christmas ornament, I would appreciate it.
I just wanted to thank you all so much for what you have done and give to me. I am printing out all your wonderful comments and emails and putting them in his memory book. So even 50 years from now when Couponing to Disney is a distant memory, I will always have your words with me. Thank you for that incredible gift.
prayhard says
I am new to your website and You had me at Disney. I know this is 9 months ago now since you posted this but I wanted to say I am sorry you went through this. It took me over 3 years to conceive and I got pregnant through fertitlity assistance with Triplets. I lost two of them along the pregnancy and currently have my miracle baby Boy who is 9 months. There is a song called “Go Find your wings” Everytime I hear it I think of my two angels. I will be praying for you. (hugs)
Driftwood Girl @ Beauty and Inspiration says
My sweet sis in law has a very encouraging and beautiful blog that she started after delivering her own sweet stillborn son early this year. Her faith in the middle of all this is what gives her comfort. And since you listed Praise through the storm as one of the songs speaking to you at this time, I thought I’d leave the link if you wanted to read a bit. Start from the beginning and read how she is coping. She is very honest about her heartbreak and struggles and it’s just beautiful to see how God’s working in her life even when the absolute worst has happened. God bless. My husband and I are praying for you!
http://praisethroughthestorm.blogspot.com/
Chris says
I just wanted to add that when my brother died at 17, my mom bought me a music box that played Silent Night. It was so comforting when I was missing him most.
Wendy says
Hallmark sometimes has “In Remembrance” ornaments. I believe this year their design is a shell with a pearl in the middle. I know they have a nice little green journal about remembering.
Another thing we do in my family is dry some of the flowers from your loved one’s memorial service and put the petals into a round glass ball ornament etched with his name.
Jackie says
I’m so sorry for your loss & I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Cristy says
I am so sorry for your loss. I have two beautiful angels in Heaven and I share your pain. Someday we will get to see them again.
((Hugs)) and prayers to your family.
Cristy
Kellye says
I was thinking the other day that next time you are at WDW, you could have Andrew’s name embroidered on the back of one of the baby mouse ear hats! Set them on the mantle as a reminder of the happiness both Andrew and Disney bring to your life.
Kathie says
Kristen,
I just read the tribute to Baby Andrew Jonathan and it brought tears to my eyes.
I am so sorry for your loss and will keep your family in my prayers.
won says
Oh, I am so sorry. I came to your blog to comment on another post, but believe I was meant to be here as well.
I understand. I know the pain of losing a child. It is a desperate kind of hurt…and I’m so sorry you are now a member of this club.
For your son, for my daughter….for us mothers and dads….I wish for peace one day.
Here is a beautiful ornament, and one way I keep Olivia present with me every Christmas is to buy a new ornament to represent her for the tree.
http://www.aspecialgift.com/christmas/christmas-from-heaven.asp
Special hugs…..
Msrabbet says
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I miscarried 3 times and although you never really “get over” losing a child under any circumstances time does pass and it will heal your heart a little. We planted a small tree when my first child was born and for the siblings that she would have had we also planted a tree. When we see them as the seasons pass we are happy for what we have and no longer cry for what might have been. May God Bless you and keep you.
Melissa says
Hope you don’t mind me posting but this song helped when I had a miscarriage with my first.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FobeElssLCs
Glory Baby
For anyone who has lost a child… may our road to healing be shared with you…
our comfort a part of yours.
-Nathan and Christy Nockels, Watermark
Glory baby, you slipped away as fast as we could say baby… baby… You were growing, what happened dear? You disappeared on us baby… baby… Heaven will hold you before we do… Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you… until we’re home with you…
(Chorus) Miss you everyday, miss you in every way, but we know there’s a day when we will hold you…we will hold you. You’ll kiss our tears away.. When we’re home to stay… Can’t wait for the day when we will see you… we will see you. But baby let sweet Jesus hold you ‘till Mom and Dad can hold you…You’ll just have Heaven before we do… You’ll just have Heaven before we do.
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to understand it ‘cause we’re hurting… we are hurting… But there is healing… And we know we’re stronger people through the growing… and in knowing… That all things work together for our good… And God works His purposes just like He said he would… just like He said He would…
(Chorus)
(Bridge) I can’t imagine Heaven’s lullabies and what they must sound like… But I will rest in knowing, Heaven is your home…And it’s all you’ll ever know… All you’ll ever know.
Sue says
When you have time “When I Get Where I’m Going” by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton. Your daughter speaking at the service will enusre she remembers the service for the rest of her life. Just a thought, when my brother passed away one of his friends requested to speak. We decided to give everyone who wished to speak a chance to do so and the minister offered to read anything someone felt the need to say and for whatever reason choose not to speak themselves. This was the best part of the service.
Blessings and prayers,
Sue
Courtney says
Sweet Kristin, My heart breaks over the homecoming of your precious boy, Andrew. Tears filled my eyes and my heart can remember my own loss of my precious girl, Faith Ann at 26 weeks (non-life giving defect). She went home to be with Jesus 3 years ago. I found great comfort in the song, Glory Baby by Watermark. Look it up when you have a chance. My sil bought me a simple silver bracelet with the initials of my daughter on the front and date of her homecoming on the back. Somehow it gives me comfort to see her initials with me on my wrist since she is always in my heart. Also, when someone asks me about my bracelet I can always share her story and the Gospel. It gives purpose to my suffering. I do have a memory box that I bought to keep all of my mementos in. My husband put together a video in honor of my baby girl with ultrasound pictures, family pictures, Christian artwork, scriptures etc. to the song Glory baby. I suggest that you acknowledge your due date with a small ceremony (releasing balloons, etc.) Remember you cannot rush past this season of grief and pain. Walk straight into it holding God’s hand while COMMUNICATING constantly with your husband. I went to see a counselor at my church because this pain brought up insecurities and other junk that I needed to pray through. For a time, I did go on an antidepressant (lost my dad, grandma and baby in same year). I dealt with post traumatic stress which is common so be aware (panic, unhealthy fears etc.) If you need help, get it (primary care physician, counselor, mom etc.) This season will end. We lost my little girl on September 4, 2007. I got pregnant and was due the next year on September 4, 2008 with another little girl. She has been such a joy. She does not take the place of my sweet girl Faith, but I thank God for Faith because there would be no Annabel. 3 years later, I can look back and say that I grew more in that time than anytime in my life. I would not wish what has happend to you on my worst enemy. I know this sounds trite, but I say this with conviction, I know that God will bring you through this. Hold on to Jesus and continue to testify whenever you get a chance. It will bring healing. Choose every day to trust Jesus. Our sweet babies will never face pain, trial, sin, suffering, turmoil or hardship. Their job on earth has been completed and Andrew and Faith’s testimony is still being written. The impact your Andrew will have on others will be great. Who knows how many will hear of the love of the Savior through your blog and through knowing you. My sweet sister, he did not die in vain. Turn your eyes upon Jesus my sweet sister. Take it one day at a time. Love and prayers to you and your family. Here is a link to my story. I hope you find strength in it: http://www.carepages.com/carepages/faithannbreban
acwilliams says
‘Praise You in this Storm’ ALWAYS gives me goosebumps and brings me to tears. Lift your eyes up to the hills, your help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth :) God bless you all in this difficult time. May He bring you strength and comfort. And may you always know if your heart, that he is up there just waiting to see you. I have a few friends who have angels waiting for them in Heaven also. He is in the safest arms he could be in right now :) ♥ I will pray for you all to find peace and rest in our Father, and that you will be able to heal day by day.
~Angelique Williams
Lewisburg, PA
Melissa says
Praying for you and your family this week as you go through this terrible ordeal. I got a Willow Tree angel after I lost my baby, and I think it’s a nice way to remember and honor a lost life. Thank you for sharing your story and those beautiful songs with us. I hope the memorial service goes well and helps to bring some comfort and peace.
Kathy Evans says
Kristen,
I have prayed for you and your family since hearing about baby Andrew. Three songs that brought me comfort in my loss of a child were “Held” by Natlie Gant, “My heart will go on” by Celin Deon and my favorite is The song “Still” by Gerrit Hofsonk. October 15 is a day that millions of women across America, Canada and other Countries light candles in honor of the loss of a child either stillborn or miscarried theirs or someone elses. Pain that is shared is cut in 1/2. I believe the the time is 7:00pm (in the time zone you live in ) on October 15 each year to light a candle for one hour to honor the child that Jesus took too soon. You story is truely an honor to Little Andrew Johnathan Cooper.
There is a poem I use to carry around with me I will try to find it and send it to you. I do remember part of it “May there be angels to uplift your prayers, to empower you, and to love you. May that love turn your tears to faith”. “Daddy please don’t look sad and mom please don’t cry cause Im in the Arms of Jesus and he signs me lullabies. Please try not to question God, Don’t think he is unkind. Don’t think he sent me to you and then just changed his mind. You see I am a speical child and I’m needed up above. I will alway be there with you, watch the sky at night and when you find the brightest star thats gleaming the brightest that’s my halo’s brilliant light. You willl see me in the morning frost that mists your windows that’s me in the summer shower showers dancing in the rain. When you feel a little breeze from the wind a gentle wind blowing across your face, thats me I’ll be there planting a kiss on your face.” I will find the poem and who wrote it. I read it so many times that it used to embedded in my heart.
Andrew in Greek means Strong and Courageous, Johnathan in Hebrew is God’s Gift. You received a special Strong and Courageous Gift from God. He will take care of him till you get to see him again.
Amy J. says
Thank you for sharing his story. I love the name Andrew. I will pray for you and your family in this very difficult time. I think a Christmas ornament will be a beautiful way to remember and honor him. I always say our Christmas tree is the story of our life.
Stephanie says
We light a candle at Christmas in honor of our angel son. Our current candle holder is a small baby food jar that my 2nd son decorated at preschool and it sits on our mantle all year.
I also bake and Angel Food cake…the first few years was from scratch, but the last few have been from a mix since time always seems to get away from us…it’s a great way to celebrate his birthday :)
Katie says
I think I suggested this on facebook but I found The God of All Comfot very comforting after having a miscarriage at 6 1/2 wks. I have also read I will Carry You by Angie Smith- who lost a daughter just hours after she was born. These books both helped me deal with my grief. Angie Smith also has a blog, where she started telling her daughters story.
ashli says
Kristin,
I am so sorry for your lost. I wish I knew how to make it better. My mom lost a baby when i was in middle school, which has been quite a while back. I still remember what I thought he would be like if that makes sense. He would have been a senior this year. (Big difference in our ages…hahaha) My comfort then and now is knowing that God is in control and one day I truly believe I will hold the baby in my arms and we will be with him in heaven! Again, I am so sorry! I will continue to pray for you!!
God bless you!!
Teresa says
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious baby boy. I have been away from your blog for awhile and did not read about it today. The reason I havent been online too much lately is because this is a hard time of the year for me because 3 years ago in November I lost my precious little Hannah much in the same way. My heart just breaks that you have to go through this. Know that so many people love you and are thinking about you and praying for you.
Listen to your heart and do whatever YOU need to do to help you make peace with the situation. I wish that I had listened to my heart more and done things that I thought were right for my other kids to help them, but I let people talk me into things because I was still in shock. They are your kids, and you know them better then anyone and so you know what they need.
The next few weeks are not going to be easy. i pray that you will have the strength to get through the funeral ok. I wish that I lived closer so that I could just come sit with you and hug you while you cried.
Sending love and hugs from Idaho,
Teresa
Janice says
When I read your story of Andrew’s life, I couldn’t believe how much it matches my own experience 23 years ago with my first daughter, Amber. It really touched my heart and I have been praying for you. If songs help your heart to heal, I highly recommend Mandisa’s CD titled Freedom. Two songs in particular – “Broken Hallelujah” and “You Wouldn’t Cry” are beautiful songs about finding the praise and comfort in the midst of brokenness and loss. If you can find Mandisa’s story behind “You Wouldn’t Cry”, you would think it was written just for you – the full title is “You Wouldn’t Cry (Andrew’s Song)”
Sending love, hugs, and prayers your way.
-Janice
Mindy says
I found a place online that can take footprints from a birth certificate & put them on an ornament. http://www.offthepressprinting.com. If you go to the laser engraving option, you can slide over & click on custom design ornaments. From there you can request a brochure, but if you look down a bit and to the right they have a beautiful ornament example.
Melissa Hooker says
In memory of my daughter I lost at the same gestation as your son, I bought an angel playing the flute ornament and each year it goes towards the top front of our Christmas tree. I played the flute in school so I thought this was perfect for her. A friend of mine also gave me another angel that I leave sitting out all year in my curio cabinet.
Jennifer Lemke says
Sending you a hug. Love the Willow Tree angel, I can see why you think it is perfect.
Lynne says
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers,
God Bless.
Jessica says
http://www.orientaltrading.com/ui/browse/processRequest.do?demandPrefix=12&sku=48/6314&mode=Searching&erec=177&D=feather+christmas+ornament&Ntx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&Ntk=all&requestURI=processProductsCatalog&N=0&No=0&Dx=mode%2bmatchallpartial&Ntt=feather+christmas+ornament&sd=Guardian+Angel+Ornament+Craft+Kit
This might not be exactally what you’re looking for but this would be great for your kids.
Angela says
Everytime I read a post about yur baby boy I feel a squeeze in my heart, I kow that pain and I am reminded now as you try and mend your broken heart. PLes know that my prayers are with you at this time and that it will get easier. It is truly beautiful they way you and your family are honoring his life cycle. Pleace and love to you.
Careen says
Kristin – I found this site has many things including a Ribbon and Awareness Pin and Memorial Jewelry and Keepsakes
Karen B. says
Hi Kristin:
Again my eyes are tearing up reading about Johnathan. I am terribly sorry. I suffered a miscarriage between after my 2nd child, I was only 9 weeks, but had my Emily 9 months later. God Bless and will think of you and your family on Saturday.
April Kohen says
My mother once lost a baby like you have and I was too little to remember, but she said that I asked if the baby was an Angel now and she said yes, an Angel never dies. Keep your head held high. Your a very loving mother to have given him soo much love. What has happened to you still haunts me. I want to thank you for sharing his story…and yours. Thank you for sharing his picture so that I had a chance to see the wonderful baby boy you talk about. I know you will never forget him, but…remember he lives on in your heart and you WILL see him again when it is time. Remember he feels no pain, no sorrow. But he does know you, his daddy, his brothers and sisters…he knows happiness, love, and the arms of the Lord… he also knows his family loves him. I think I know a good thing to have to remember him by and have close to your heart. I think you can get them at kmart and other places like Fingerhut. I am not for sure what they are called but it is a pendant of a mother holding their baby.Here are some you may like…I have included links to give you an idea. I know the pain will not ease for a while because your love was so strong for him, but in time it will get a lil easier for you to breath with out it hurting so much.
Here is a figurine: http://www.preciousmoments.com/content.cfm/product/Forever-Embraced-In-God%27s-Warm-Love–Boy
http://www.treasuredfinds.com/Products/9429-26-Mother-Child-Heart-Pendant.htm
http://cherishedbond.com/products/
http://www.lifetimemothers.com/prodinfo.asp?number=455990
also type in “mother and child” necklace in to amazon.com
I also thought it would be nice if you had got necklace of a key and one of a lock. You could keep the key with him and you get the lock. sort of like he holds the key to your heart. Also you could put a pic in a locket to keep it with you when you want.
Also remember the story of “the footprints in the sand” when you need it. http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php
The last thing I want to tell you before I close this long comment…
There will come a time, I promise you, when you will hold his hand, stroke his face and kiss his cheek. Although he never breathed the air,or gazed into your eyes that doesn’t mean he never was. One day he will fill your arms again and you will embrace. Every time the sun shines he will not be far. He watches over you all and smiles knowing he’ll be with again.
I don’t know who wrote this but here is a poem:
“Angel”
An Angel from the Book of Life
Wrote down my baby’s birth,
And whispered as she closed the book
“Too Beautiful For Earth”
Here is another one.Spoken by a baby, this poem gently captures a baby’s love for the parents who have lost him and shows how love lives on after passing.
“Going Home”
Yesterday father, you fathered me.
Today dear mother, you birthed me.
I was there, you were there
We all stood witness.
I heard your whispers,
that you love me.
I heard you tell each other
how beautiful I was viewed
in my eternal quietude.
I even felt your soft caress
as you held me to your breast.
On this morn, mourn not for me.
With ethereal grace I have a name.
I have a home, I have a life…
To live through all eternity.
Big hugs and your in our prayers.
Penny =^.^= says
I got a catalog with ornamates that would be perfect because when I seen it I thought of you immediately. I will find it and send you the web site. I was thinking of getting one for my Mom.
I collect those Angels too. I am so proud of your 6 year old, she is amazing. Take you time, he was and always will be part of you!! You will never let that go!
Rachel Durfee says
I am sorry for your loss. The only comfort I can give is to tell you that some of gods children have such tender hearts that they are only i nthe world long enough to be able to come back to gods presence for all eternity. I have a 3 month old and truely feel for u. I am crying and typing next time he is up with colic screaming I will be grateful. It will take time. Don’t push yourself to hard.
Kelly says
I just now had a chance to catch up on the story and I am so so sorry you and your family had to go through this. I’m in tears reading the story. I hope you’re able to find peace and comfort with God. I’m sending you my thoughts and prayers.
Kellie says
Your sad story has touched my heart. I cry everytime I read one of your post about Andrew. You and your family are in my prayers. I wanted to share something with you. I’m sure you know that October is infant loss awareness month, well yesterday at our MOPS meeting we had a speaker who talked about loosing her 2 day old son Will this last April. She told us about the whole thing and how she has had to learn to greive. One of the things that she said she has done is she had made some necklace’sthat have some of the baby ashes in them. And she always wars it and has the comfort of having him near her all the time. Just a thought it may be to late for you to do this though. We also have a candle lighting where we light candles for baby’s we have lost or someone we know that has lost a baby. And I lit one for you in memory of little Andrew. You will continue to be in my prayers. I can not imagine what you are going though.
Kellie
MELISSA says
I read your story and I am praying for you and your family. I have experienced a miscarriage and I know how awful that felt so I can not even imagine the pain you are feeling. I was only about 10 weeks and they had to do a dnc. May god be with you and your family at this time!
Brenda L. says
I know that there is not any words that can really provide you with much comfort right now, as I can hardly imagine on a personal level what it is like to go through what you are. But I want you to know that you are not alone even when it feel as if you are. I hope that you and your family are able to find comfort as you lay you precious son to rest and know that he is not only with Jesus but he is now in the arms of your father-in-law. We never know why things happens such as this, but we must remember if there weren’t a reason they would not occur.
Chasity says
I want you to know My family and I have contiued to pray for you and your family. I sadly know how you feel…….I have 2 swee angels in heaven as well. One I lost very early on…..Eziekiel Timothy. And then I lost another at the same time frame you lost your sweet angel…..Emma Claire. I know the 3 of them are playing at Jesus’ feet.
I appreciate your/his story. It brought so many sad memories, but it helped me feel comfort in knowing you felt some of the same things I did. Not that either one of should have had to go through such, but know that you are not alone in this. Too many of us mommies have walked in those same hard shoes.
It does not feel like it now, but it does get better. My sweet angels would have been 13 and 8 this year. I still have hard days and out of the blue it hits, but all and all it does get better.
As far as an ornament, I seen one in hallmark the other night and immediately thought of you…..
http://www.hallmark.com/online/in-stores/keepsake-ornaments/2010/ornament-detail/?id=fffa_qxg7486
Love,
Chasity
Randi says
Right now you are still healing from the awful experience of losing a child, and while you will never stop grieving you will grow stronger as time passes. Nothing can prepare you to lose a child, as no one can tell you the appropriate amount of time it takes to heal from your childs loss. Everyone is different, even husband and wife. Continue to work towards healing your body, mind and soul through the support of your family and the Lord. While we may not understand or even like His plans, He truely does know what’s best for all of us. You are in our thoughts daily. <3
Stephanie says
My firstborn son was born sleeping at 23 weeks and my two children I have had since love knowing they have a big brother even though he is not here with them. To commemorate his memory at christmas time, we have a simple engravable angel ornament that you find at Walmart around this season. We engraved his name on it and the kids love to hang it on the tree and look at it. It’s not breakable so I don’t mind the kids touching and holding it as much as they would like.
Amanda Jones says
I am so sorry for your loss, God has a purpose and plan. I work at a funera home here in Georgia, there are some incredibe items that we have called thumbies and they are small sweet necklace pendants that have a tiny thumb print or footprint on them, very danty and delicate pieces of jewelry that you could put on a tiny chain and wear always. Someone I know has one on a long thin chain that hangs close to her chest and near her heart. She has never taken it off. God bless you and your family and you are in my prayers.
Melina Deemer says
I am so sorry for your loss. I myself have experienced a loss of a child. You carried that child and he was a part of your family and life. It is the hardest thing in the world. I promise it will get better day by day. There are good and bad days still. I hope time, your family and faith will get you through this. I tried to be strong for my family but it back fired, cry if you need to whenever you need!
Marie says
found these two ornaments as well:
I LOVE this one: http://www.hallmark.com/online/in-stores/keepsake-ornaments/2010/ornament-detail/?id=mtfa_qxg7486
And here is a little sleeping baby angel: http://www.hallmark.com/online/in-stores/keepsake-ornaments/2010/ornament-detail/?id=mtfa_qx8113
Mindy says
I had an idea for a Christmas ornament. Is there a way to put his footprints on an ornament. My Aunt & Uncle put my cousins signature on an ornament along with a small poem for Christmas after she passed. It was beautiful. They gave one to the grandparents & other Aunt & Uncles. What a treasure!!!
Marie says
I got my personal creations catalog last weekend, I immediately thought of you with a few of the items…
I love this windchime: http://gifts.personalcreations.com/gifts/Whispers-from-Heaven-Windchime-30021071?q=3246&ref=CatalogPID&spell=&PRID=PNFredirect&start=
Here is a stepping Stone: http://gifts.personalcreations.com/gifts/Memorial-Heart-Cutout-Stepping-Stone-30021578?q=10G251&spell=&PRID=PNFredirect&start=&ref=CatalogPID
And I really like these stepping stones, one for each of your children (the big one can say anything, and any name on the smaller ones): http://gifts.personalcreations.com/gifts/Star-Stepping-Stones-30020023?viewpos=1&trackingpgroup=productsearch&ref=CatalogPID&PRID=PNFredirect
Tammy says
Hallmark usually has angel ornaments every year. The year my Andrew was stillborn, they had a beautiful little boy angel… I love it. If you will message me privately, I will send it to you. It has brought me great comfort to see it each year, but this year, I think it will benefit more to share. So from one angel Andrew’s mom to another… I will share.
Also, every year Things Remembered has angel ornaments that you can get personalized. Walmart usually has them too. I have one of those for him as well.
Give yourself permission to not be on a timetable. There is no way to put a time limit on how you feel. And you are allowed to grieve…
Sending peace and blessings,
Tammy
Angie says
Praying for you in your unimaginable time of loss. There is a song by Selah that really touched me during our time of loss. I pray God will hold you strong in His hands and give you the peace only He can……
I Will Carry You – “Selah”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o
Heather Rios says
Kristin,
My heart breaks for you. I lost a baby at 20 weeks almost 7 years ago. I went in for my 20 week ultrasound and everything was perfect and my cervix was long and closed. I went into labor that night and by the time I realized what was actually happening and got to the hospital I was 9 cm dialated and there was nothing the dr. could do to stop it. The baby died before he was born. I understand how you feel. I understand the immense pain. But praise God for the hope He gives in times of grief. Two songs that helped me through the grief were Glory Baby by Watermark and The Valley Song by Jars of Clay. Hope you can find some comfort in them. So sorry for your loss.
Heather Rios
Careen says
May I also suggest (for the future): There You’ll Be – Faith Hill andWho You’d Be Today – Kenny Chesney (I have them in a Player at my website as well).
Our two would have been 6 on Christmas Day (when his brothers were born – he was one of triplets) and 4 on Feb 23 (when his/her – too young to tell gender – twin was born).
Cris says
Kristen ~
You are a strong woman – believe that. Also believe that our Heavenly Father has his mighty arms wrapped around you all the time. Just crawl up in His lap and rest. He is always there for you. I’m am amazed at the peace and stength your precious daughter is showing through all of this – she understands probably more than you realize. She will be a great source of strength for you through this.
Be blessed and thank you for sharing the most intimate details of your life – you are an inspiration.
We all love you!!!!!
Cris
Mindy says
You & your family are definitely being lifted up in prayers!!! There are so many things that you wish you could just know “why”. I had back to back miscarriages in between my 2 & 3rd daughters. At the time I wish I knew Gods plan, and I wished that He had listened to what my plans were, because they were drastically different. It takes awhile to grieve, because as Moms from the moment we find out that we are pregnant we dream of that precious child & their future. God in His infinite wisdom knew better than me, and I can humbly say that He was right & I was wrong. Chonda Pierce sings a great song Complete. We can hold on tight to His hand & He will walk us through. We are complete through Him. What I always find amazing (this helped me through my time) God could have chosen anyone to be Andrews Mom & Dad, but God knew without a shadow of a doubt that you all would love him more than anyone else on earth ever could. Although it’s not easy & the pain is great. You will see him again, and look into his eyes as he tells everyone that “This is my Mom, isn’t she great!!!”
Amanda Johnston says
I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I found this ornament that might be nice. It says “My Sleeping Angel” and has two hearts intertwined with a drawing of a mother holding a baby. http://www.cafepress.com/+my_sleeping_angel_ornament_round,105797904
This is not an ornament but a charm. Scroll about halfway down the page and you’ll see a footprint charm with a gemstone hanging from it. Just lovely. There are some Forget Me Not charms that are nice, too. http://www.labelledame.com/miscarriage-infant-loss.html
Here is a personalized sun-catcher. http://myforeverchild.com/store/WsDefault.asp?One=731 This site has some lovely jewelry and charms, too. Some with angel wings.
This is a pewter ornament that says “We will hold you in our hearts forever.” http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/Precious-Angle-Baby-Memorial-Ornament.aspx
“Those we have held in our arms for a little while, we hold in our hearts forever.” http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/Those-we-have-held-in-our-arms-Memorial-Ornament.aspx
The little footprint charm is my favorite because it reminds me of the tiny, tiny footprints on your hospital card.
I hope this helps you a little bit. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Amanda J.
Abby says
Kristin,
God be with you and your family during this time. I have read your posts and have been amazed at your strength.
Also, a book that you may want to pick up at some time that really moved me was Angie Smith’s I Will Carry You. Your strength and courage during this time reminded me of her when she also went through the loss of a child.
Mrs H in WV says
Kristin,
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Grief is such an difficult emotion to bear, yet even Jesus grieved when He heard that Lazarus had died..
Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted, Matt 5:4…
May His arms comfort you in your grief.
Nicol Sponberg just released a new album “On our way home”. She has been one of my favorite Christian artists and has a unique soulful voice.
She is a Christian artist (Angie Smith’s sister in law, too, i think) and suffered a loss of her 10 week old son to SIDS a year or so ago…
One of the songs on this album is called “You are my God”. It’s very emotional, about breathing one breath at a time through pain and loss and knowing that through it all God is still God…. Here’s the link to the album it on Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0041MELGC?ie=UTF8&tag=currecinc-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0041MELGC
Here’s her and her husband’s personal blog: http://www.onourwayhome.typepad.com/
Keeping you and your family in prayer…
The Hasselbachs
Mindy says
It may not be perfect, but I had seen this one:
http://gifts.personalcreations.com/gifts/Merry-Christmas-From-Heaven-Ornament–Pewter-30020962?viewpos=1&trackingpgroup=productsearch
Praying for you!
holly says
My idea for a perfect Christmas Ornament… I don’t actually know how to do this, but i am sure it’s possible. Maybe you could use one of the flowers from the service and preserve it. making it your ornament.
I know words can’t really make you feel any better. that is only going to come with time. I will have you in my prayers. Our Father will wrap his arms around you in those dark moments, never forget that. Your story is so very touching. thank you for sharing. you are amazing and it sounds like your husband is one heck of a great guy! You are one lucky women to be so blessed even at these dark moments!
Charity says
Oh Kristin. I wish I could be there for you in some way to support you. But I am praying for amazing miracles to come from this horrific experience. I believe with all my heart your faith in Jesus Christ will bring so many spiritual rewards in heaven. You have brought JESUS glory in this situation, and I am so thankful he brought you into my life. You’ve given me encouragement to stand strong, be honest in your feelings, and remain close to Father God’s heart. Thank you for showing and sharing with me and others your sufferings and how beautifully you’ve done it…much prayers….
Eilene says
I am so encouraged by your faith. Pray that God will continue to strenghten you and use this for HIS glory! Thank you for sharing your songs. I listened to each of them and made me reminded on how much our God is so good to us. You hang in there and I know that God is with you and your family in this!
sandra says
Through The Fire by The Crabb Family reminds me that God is always near. And please check out Sherri Burgess’ blog at Rick and Bubba. That family has a powerful testimony about the death of their son Bronner.
Emily says
I forgot the Song Glory Baby by Watermark.
sherry says
It breaks my heart to read your posts and know you have to go through this. I can also relate to everything as our baby boy was stillborn almost 2 years ago. The pain never goes away but it gets easier to cope with each day. A website I like for memorial things is
http://www.myforeverchild.com
you are so right, a parent should never have to bury their child. I will pray for your strength to get through the day and the days to follow.
Sincerly,
sherry (mom to 3 great kids here with me and our angel baby boy who watches over us)
Emily says
Kristen,
Have you read Angie Smith’s blog Bring The Rain. She has an angel daughter and I believe that there is some comfort in numbers. She also has a MercyMe song that plays on her blog it is called Bring The Rain. Her husband is a musician. I am keeping you in my prayers. I know that He has you wrapped in His arms right now and always.
In HIm,
EMily
R McD says
You should also listen to “Now Comes the Night” by Rob Thomas. That is the song I chose for my memorial because I love Rob and it is a very fitting tribute. It is a very touching song. Stay strong, your kids and family need you as much as you need them.
Loretta says
I have sent several emails hoping that you find something that honors Andrew.
Loretta Harvey
Dana says
I have a small angel that my mother just recently “tatted”-(you don’t find many people who can still do that)-I use it as a bookmark in my Bible, but I think you could easily hang it on a tree. It is really simple, but elegant and beautiful-would love for you to have it.Don’t know if you ever give your address out to your bloggers, but would love to send it to you.I live in Chelsea, so it wouldn’t take any time to get to you!
Janice says
The song ” My Wish” by Rascal Flats if a very sweet song. My friend played it at her 17 year old daughter’s funeral, killed in a drunk driver accident. Very appropriate for a parental tribute to a child.
lori says
As I type this (in Enterprise), the Heaven’s are pouring…. I can’t help but wonder if it’s symbolic of how I feel/have felt for you and your precious family. I just want you to know that I continue to pray for you all. I know that I don’t know you personally, but feel like you are a friend through this blog and our emails in the past. I wish that I lived closer so I could help you out, with a meal or something…. just to be there for you. I again am so very sorry that you are going through this, my mind can’t even wrap around what it would be like. just know that you are loved by so many and we all so blessed to have you in our lives… even if it’s on a blog. Hugs to you my friend!! <3
Shannon Finch says
I love all of those songs. They give you comfort but also break your heart at the same time. Another song that help me with my grief after losing two babies to miscarriages, is Homesick by Mercyme. I still cannot sing that song without breaking down and crying. But it helps me re-live the very few memories I have with my pregnancies.
I think you are being extremely strong right now. I think its wonderful all the things you are doing to preserve the life of your child. I read your blog on how you lost him and I thought it was written beautifully. Gone too soon, but no doubt loved every minute. He is in the arms of the Lord right now. Playing with all the other babies who pass too soon. Waiting for you and your family to reunite with him. You will hold your baby again, in a far better place than here. God bless you,
Shannon
Julie says
Oh how we will be praying for you during these times. Lean on God and let Him be strong enough for the two of you to get through this.
Here is a sweet ornament:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/58263808/first-christmas-in-heaven-ornament
Hadley says
Kristin, I cannot even imagine how difficult this time is for you and the rest of your family. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. Here are some ornaments I found:
1) This one says “Precious Angel We Will Hold You In Our Hearts Forever”
http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/Precious-Angle-Baby-Memorial-Ornament.aspx
2) This one says “Even the smallest of feet have the power to leave everlasting footprints upon this world” and can be customized with Andrew’s footprints.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/57546744/smallest-feet-christmas-ornament?ref=sr_gallery_9&ga_search_query=miscarriage+ornament&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&order=&includes%5B0%5D=tags&includes%5B1%5D=title
3) If you scroll down on this page there is a Merry Chrismas from Heaven ornament. It says “I love you all dearly Now don’t shed a tear, I’m spending my Christmas With Jesus this year”
http://www.catholicsupply.com/christmas/memorial.html
Jamie Storey says
I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. Your story of his brief life has touched many. We purchased an ornament in memory of my niece Mattison for my sister while on vacation in Pigeon Forge at The Christmas Place. They personalized it with her name and her DOB-DOD and even put a little gold halo over the “M” in her name. You can find it here http://www.christmasplace.com/shopping/ItemNumber/25462
May your heart heal the best possible way in this situation….
Lindsay Green says
You should look at the song Homesick by Newsong. I went to the funeral of a 5 year old boy who died of cancer and a friend sang this song there. Get the tissues ready. But, as Christians, we know death is not the end, but the beginning of a eternal life with Christ, and one day you can be with your precious son again.
Annette says
My heart breaks with you. Such a difficult time. Praying for you and your family that the peace that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. As hard as it is, the way your family is handling this is giving Andrew respect, making his life real to all of us. It is also a very heathly way to grieve.
In Christ alone,
Annette
Sherry says
my heart is breaking for you! I have a thought. How about at his funeral have your family write little messages to him or about him put them in balloons and then let them fly away. then on the anniversary you can do that every year.
I will be on the look out for the most perfect ornament for you!
De says
I’m definitely praying for you this week….praying that our heavenly Daddy will send many divine hugs your way!
Laura says
Kristen–
I just wanted you to know that your posts about Andrew have touched my heart. You are indeed a strong Christian woman and I admire the grace you have shown during this horrible loss. Sharing this with us has been hard, I am sure–but I know somewhere, somehow you have helped someone struggling with the same thing (or who will in the future). We don’t always understand God’s plan, we don’t always like it. But, there is a plan. Andrew’s short life had divine purpose. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Laura
Jen in GA says
Sweet Baby is now in the hands of God and all the Angels before him! I know a piece of your heart is ripped away and remember- Andrew will always have it with him! Love and Prayers to you and your family!